


Asunder

by faithinthepoor, thegirl20



Category: Legend of the Seeker
Genre: Dark, F/F, F/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-22 15:24:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 36,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/611304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirl20/pseuds/thegirl20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In 'Torn', what if Cara had been split into two instead of Kahlan?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

As days went, it started off pleasantly enough. The wizard had commented that the sun was warm, but not scalding. The confessor had remarked upon the blueness of the sky. And the Seeker appeared to be relatively focused on the quest to find the Stone of Tears. Cara had very little interest in the weather, but keeping the Seeker’s attention on his quest was important to her. So as long as they were moving in the direction of the compass, Cara was happy to let the others babble about inanities as they saw fit.  
  
Kahlan’s arm brushed against her own and she glanced over to find the Mother Confessor smiling at her, almost shy. Cara felt her own lips creep up in response, powerless to do anything else. When she realised that they were walking along, grinning stupidly at each other, she rolled her eyes. Kahlan laughed at her reaction and she attempted to scowl. Kahlan merely leaned in and kissed her cheek before lengthening her stride to catch up to Zedd, pointing out something on the horizon.  
  
Cara fought to keep the smile off her face this time, but was unsuccessful. She sighed. She was still getting used to some of the aspects of ‘being in a relationship’ as Kahlan liked to call it. Publicly appearing like a lovesick schoolgirl was one such aspect that Cara was not fond of in the slightest. To her eternal gratitude, Kahlan did not attempt to force her to be overly demonstrative. And, in turn, Cara tried her very best to show her affection in ways she knew that Kahlan understood.   
  
Finding herself in any kind of relationship, let alone one with Kahlan Amnell, was still something of a surprise to Cara. She had acknowledged her attraction to the Mother Confessor very quickly after meeting her. There was little point in pretending that she was not an attractive woman. However, what she did not expect, was that she would begin to develop feelings that went far beyond mere attraction.   
  
As with most feelings she found herself experiencing, Cara had attempted to control them and quash them, applying herself completely to a life of servitude to Richard. She may well have succeeded, had Kahlan not declared her own feelings for Cara, in quite a lot of detail, one evening while Richard was off learning about his han at the Palace of the Prophets and Zedd was being held hostage by Denna.   
  
Cara had been convinced that Kahlan was spelled. Or delirious from the pain in her leg. Or confused because of her feelings of missing Richard. Then Kahlan had kissed her. From there, Cara slowly came to accept that her feelings were returned, and everything that went along with that. It was a difficult process, at times.  
  
She was drawn out of her musings by Zedd’s booming voice.   
  
“If the compass continues pointing us south, we’ll go right past the Falls of Aldemont,” he announced.   
  
“Is that someplace important?” Richard asked.   
  
Kahlan smiled over her shoulder at him. “It’s considered the most romantic spot in all the Midlands,” she explained.   
  
“Many a child was conceived beneath those cascading waters,” Zedd put in, his smile indicating that he may well have partaken in this procreative activity himself over the course of his long life. Cara tried not to think about that, and wondered instead what age the wizard must be, because he had seemingly been to every spot in the Midlands at least once.  
  
“I was there once…” Kahlan said, her voice a little wistful. “It’s beautiful.”  
  
Cara’s whole body immediately tensed and she gritted her teeth, trying to ignore the part of her that wanted to demand the name of Kahlan’s companion so that she could go and kill them, slowly and inventively. Kahlan seemed to sense the change in her and fell back to walk alongside her. She shoved the Mord’Sith gently, knocking her off balance.  
  
“With my sister,” she continued, a laugh colouring her words.  
  
Cara raised an eyebrow at her, but relaxed considerably. She could never be completely relaxed whenever Kahlan’s sister was mentioned.  
  
“At sunset, when the light hits the falls, the water glistens red,” Kahlan continued, nudging Cara again, a smile tugging at her lips. “They say it’s the reflection of all the lovers’ hearts who’ve kissed there.”  
  
“That or a reflection of the blood spilled at the Battle of Aldemont,” Cara said, before she had time to consider her words. “Two hundred men were killed in that spot! The rest threw their bodies into the rapids rather than surrender.”   
  
She finished her story with a pointed glance at Richard, rolling the word around her tongue.   
  
“Well that  _does_  sound romantic!” he agreed, amused by Cara’s behaviour.  
  
Kahlan sighed, her head falling forward, her eyes on the ground. Cara clenched her teeth. She’d obviously upset Kahlan, and not for the first time. Cara found the confessor to be a whirlwind of constantly changing emotions and Cara had no idea how to keep up. Initially she had thought that admitting that she had feelings for Kahlan would have been enough to satisfy the woman. This was apparently not the case. In fact, Kahlan now seemed to expect her to talk about her feelings even  _more_. Cara rolled her eyes and cleared her throat.  
  
“Or maybe it’s as you say,” she said, though her face indicated that it pained her to speak of something so illogical. “The heart thing. I suppose we will be able to judge better once we reach these falls.”  
  
Kahlan smiled over at her, seemingly enchanted by Cara’s attempt at fixing what she’d said. She ran her hand down Cara’s forearm, briefly tangling their fingers together before letting go. Cara barely resisted the urge to sigh; whether in relief or frustration, she wasn’t altogether sure.  
  
“Well, if we move fast, maybe we can get there in time to see the sunset,” Richard interjected, attempting to help Cara out.  
  
However, their progress towards the famed waters, and the Stone of Tears, was halted when the party spotted two bodies strung up from a tree just off the path they were on. Cara marched up to them, quickly making an assessment of the situation.  
  
“These men have been tortured,” she said, her eyes taking in their injuries. “Not very inspired work.”  
  
She saw Kahlan hide a smile. Cara was at least a little grateful that Kahlan was not surprised in the slightest that Cara was more comfortable discussing torture techniques than she was matters of the heart.  
  
“Looks like they died before they were hanged,” Richard observed.  
  
“Then why hang them?” Cara asked. It seemed unnecessary to expend energy on such a pointless task.  
  
“Whoever did this wanted to put them on display...send a message,” Richard said, seemingly concerned that someone would go to so much trouble. Cara could tell that this was not boding well for the quest.  
  
Zedd lifted the large wooden sign that was hung around one of the unfortunate men’s necks.   
  
“ _’Whoever attempts to subvert justice will meet the same fate’_ ,” he read aloud. “Kahlan, take a look at this.”  
  
She moved over to stand beside the wizard, examining what he was holding. There was no mistaking it.  
  
“It’s the seal of Aydindril.” She took the piece of wood and turned it over, reading what was written there. “By order of the High Lord Regent.”  
  
“Who’s that?” Richard asked.  
  
“There’s no such title,” Kahlan told him, confusion clear on her face and in her voice. “The only person with the authority to confer this seal is the Mother Confessor.”  
  
Cara was familiar with the workings of Aydindril, having studied confessors during her training; know thine enemy. She knew that this was not a small aberration. To misuse the authority of the Mother Confessor was high treason and punishable by death. She looked to Kahlan.  
  
“Then who ordered these men killed?” she asked.  
  
Kahlan shook her head, her eyes still fixated on the seal burned into the wood she held. Sensing that this was causing Kahlan great turmoil, Cara stepped closer and placed a hand on her back, rubbing gently. The smile she earned for it was not as bright as she had hoped.  
  
\---  
  
A short while later, Cara could hold her tongue no longer. Richard had taken it upon himself to investigate the deaths and was examining a trail that was as likely to have been a hunter or a farmer as the murderer. Cara understood the desire to make Kahlan feel better, she felt it herself and planned to do so when they stopped to make camp. But Richard seemed to think that the way to do it was to nobly follow a cold trail for the Creator only knew how long.   
  
“Richard,” she began. “Those bodies we found were at least two days old. Whoever killed those men is long gone.”  
  
Because, really, there was a limit to how far she would go on utterly pointless crusades, even for Lord Rahl. Richard looked like he might protest; perhaps by regaling them with tales of his legendary tracking skills. Again. But he didn’t have the chance as a huge flash of light a little distance away from the group deposited yet  _another_  seemingly lifeless body on the forest floor. Cara’s agiels were unsheathed in an instant, followed quickly by Kahlan’s daggers and the Sword of Truth. They approached the body with care.  
  
It was an old man and he appeared unarmed. Not taking any chances, Cara used her foot to turn him over. Kahlan dropped to her knees at his side and Cara bit her lip to stop herself from snapping at this lack of self-preservation.  
  
“Silas!” Kahlan breathed.  
  
“You know him?” Richard asked, though that much seemed clear enough to Cara; Kahlan had used the man’s name.  
  
“He’s a Wizard of the Second Order from Aydindril,” Zedd answered for her, coming to kneel by the fallen man.  
  
“Cara!” Kahlan said, the urgency in her voice and the plaintive look on her face meant she didn’t have to say anything else; Cara knew what she wanted. She knelt down by the old man, leaning in to gauge his suitability. She picked her head up and looked over at Kahlan apologetically.  
  
“He’s already cold. The Breath of Life won’t work.”  
  
Kahlan nodded without lifting her eyes from the dead wizard.   
  
“You can put your weapons down,” Zedd told Richard and Cara, both still ready for a fight. “Whoever shot him couldn’t follow him here. He used this.” He held up an intricate amulet which Kahlan seemed to recognise.  
  
“Oloron’s amulet,” she whispered, looking at Zedd, who nodded his confirmation.  
  
“What is it?” Richard asked, sheathing his sword and approaching for a closer look.  
  
“It’s a magical device that’s kept in Aydindril,” Zedd explained, turning the amulet over in his hands. “It was devised hundreds of years ago as a safeguard. If the Mother Confessor were urgently needed...a skilled wizard could use the amulet to find her anywhere in the world and carry them both home.” He looked down at his fallen comrade. “He must’ve been shot in Aydindril and it seems he managed to recite the incantation just before he died.”  
  
“He came here to tell you something,” Richard said, addressing Kahlan.  
  
“It must’ve been important,” Kahlan murmured, eyeing the dead wizard again.  
  
“My guess is that it has something to do with this ‘High Lord Regent’ who had those men killed,” Zedd ventured, saying what they were all thinking.  
  
“I…I have to get to Aydindril,” Kahlan said, her eyes drifting to Cara.  
  
“That’s hundreds of leagues from here,” Cara protested, trying to sound annoyed. She was well aware that the hollow feeling in her chest at the thought of Kahlan leaving had leaked into her voice.  
  
“Can you use the amulet to take us all there, Zedd?” Richard asked, keen as ever to help out where he could.  
  
“The amulet was only designed to carry a wizard and the Mother Confessor, its magics would not work on all of us.”  
  
“Then Cara and I will meet up with you there,” Richard said, with a nod.  
  
“That could take weeks,” Zedd told him. “Cara’s right, the longer the quest is delayed, the stronger the Keeper grows. You and Cara continue to search for the Stone and Kahlan and I will go to Aydindril.”  
  
“The Seeker needs his wizard and his confessor by his side,” Kahlan insisted, trying to use duty as an excuse to stay. “If we leave him again…” Though she spoke of Richard, her eyes did not leave Cara’s.  
  
Richard stepped forward and took hold of Kahlan’s arm in a gentle grip, making her look at him.  
  
“Kahlan,” he began. “You’ve done more than enough for me. You’ve been by my side longer than necessary. When we defeated Darken Rahl, you should’ve gone to Aydindril then. It’s your home. It’s where you’re needed.”  
  
Kahlan shook her head. “The quest was more important,” she argued, her eyes once again finding Cara’s.  
  
Seeing that this was pointless, Cara moved to Kahlan and eased her arm out of Richard’s grip, drawing her away from the others to the side of the clearing.  
  
“The quest will go on,” she said, her voice softer than usual.”You should go to your home and see what’s wrong. You won’t feel right until you do.”  
  
Kahlan bit her lip, her eyes sparkling with tears as she searched Cara’s face. She placed her hand on Cara’s chest, her thumb brushing over the soft leather.  
  
“My home is with you,” she whispered. “I won’t feel right if I’m not with you.”  
  
Cara closed her eyes for the briefest of seconds, unable to stop the look of sadness that crossed her face. Perversely, it seemed to make Kahlan happy that this was difficult for Cara too. Cara had spoken in the past of the futility of missing people. It was unsettling for her to realise that perhaps her view didn’t hold true any longer. Cara brought her hand up to cover Kahlan’s where it still lay on her chest.  
  
“We’ve been apart before,” she said, sticking to the practicalities. “The wizard will find a way to make sure we’re not separated for long.”  
  
Kahlan nodded sadly. “It’ll still be too long,” she whispered.  
  
Cara sighed, but not unkindly. “This isn’t making it easier,” she said, wondering again how Kahlan could possibly think that saying these things out loud made them better.  
  
“I know,” Kahlan said with a nod and a sniff. She tried to smile, “I’m sorry.”  
  
“Don’t be sorry,” Cara said, briskly. “But the sooner you leave, the sooner we’ll meet again.”  
  
This was Cara’s way of saying she’d miss Kahlan too and Kahlan couldn’t stop her tears from falling. She pulled Cara into a tight embrace, burying her face in her neck and inhaling the scent there. Cara’s arms wrapped around her in return, strong and safe. Kahlan lifted her head and pressed her lips to Cara’s in a firm kiss of reassurance.  
  
“I’ll be as quick as I can,” Kahlan murmured against Cara’s mouth, receiving a nod and a kiss in return.  
  
“See that you are,” Cara said. “I like to keep you in my sight…how else do I know you’re not getting yourself into some trouble or other?”  
  
Kahlan smiled and Cara attempted to return it. But that was probably the worst of this parting for Cara; the thought of something happening to Kahlan and not being there to prevent it. Kahlan gave Cara one last kiss and squeezed her gently before stepping back and wiping her face. The men had graciously moved to the other side of the clearing and were talking amongst themselves, allowing Cara and Kahlan to regain their composure.  
  
“I’m ready,” Kahlan called to Zedd and he nodded, clapping Richard on the shoulder in goodbye before approaching Kahlan.  
  
Cara moved to stand by Richard, her face stoic and composed, but her fingers were twisting the ends of her hair. Zedd held out his hand with the amulet facing upwards and Kahlan covered it with her own, grasping Zedd’s hand. As he began to recite the incantation, Kahlan turned to look at Cara.  
  
“I wish I didn’t have to go,” she whispered, her voice almost drowned out by Zedd’s booming one.  
  
“I wish I were going with you,” Cara whispered in return, just loud enough for Kahlan to hear before the world became nothing but a flash of white.  
  
And they were gone. Richard and Cara were left alone, looking at the spot their companions had occupied. Richard turned to Cara.  
  
“Well, it looks like it’s just you and me for a while,” he said, amiable as ever.  
  
“Yes,” she agreed, grasping both of her agiels. “And with any luck, we might actually get to look for the Stone of Tears without being distracted by beautiful waterfalls or kittens up trees.”  
  
Richard noticed her stance and the whine of her weapons and took this to be her way of her comforting herself. Rather than ignore it as he may have on another occasion, he decided to broach the subject. Cara had been getting better at talking lately and he wanted to do his part in encouraging that.  
  
“It’s okay to miss her, Cara,” he said as they set off on their way.  
  
“Why would I do that?” She picked up the pace, forcing Richard to jog a little to catch up to her.  
  
“Fine,” he said. “But don’t think that you need to stay strong for my benefit. I’m here if you would like to talk about anything.”  
  
She sighed. “Yes, Lord Rahl, I’m very aware that you’re in touch with your feelings,” she said, her voice dripping with scorn. “You seem to have enough of them for both of us. I’ll concentrate on the quest.”  
  
Richard shook his head in amusement. It appeared that Cara’s willingness to discuss her feelings was directly proportionate to Kahlan’s proximity. He trod on something that made a noise against his boot and he stopped, looking down at it.  
  
“Cara…look.” He stooped to pick up the object; it was part of the amulet Zedd had used. It was broken in half. Cara took it out of his hands and examined it.  
  
“The amulet…” For a moment a ghost of an emotion seemed to dance across her face but it was quickly replaced with a mask. “Do you think the spell went wrong?”  
  
Richard shrugged. “I don’t know,” he admitted.  
  
“Their fate cannot be changed now. We should continue on as before.”  
  
Richard realised that Cara knew no other way to deal with emotion. He would allow her to keep up her front and therefore he made the decision for both of them. “We’ll go to Aydindril to make sure they’re okay. If we get horses and ride hard it should take us less than a week.”  
  
“The Stone of Tears is our priority.”  
  
“And it will still be there in a week’s time,” Richard assured her. “We’ll all go after it together.”  
  
“Should I take this as an order?”  
  
Cara’s inability to admit distress meant that Richard felt he had no other choice, “Yes I suppose so.”  
  
Cara stood up straight. “As you wish, Lord Rahl,” she said, tucking the broken piece of the amulet inside her leathers.  
  
\---  
  
Meanwhile, Zedd and Kahlan found themselves in the marketplace in Aydindril.  
  
“How do you feel?” Zedd asked, glancing around the corner of the building they’d appeared behind.  
  
“All in one piece,” Kahlan said, a little shaken from the suddenness of the spell. A hand on her shoulder made her jump and assume a defensive position, hands going for her daggers as she spun around. Zedd also turned to get a look at Kahlan’s apparent assailant. They both gasped when their eyes landed on her.  
  
Cara took a step back, her hands raise in surrender. “It’s me,” she said, needlessly.  
  
“Cara…what…how?” Kahlan sputtered, replacing her daggers and moving to embrace Cara, a huge smile on her face.  
  
“I don’t know,” Cara said, accepting Kahlan’s touch and looking just as bewildered as the other two. “I…I was watching the spell and I was thinking that I wanted to go with you and…here I am.”  
  
Kahlan stepped back a little, lifting her hand to stroke Cara’s cheek briefly before turning to Zedd.  
  
“Zedd?” she asked, looking for an explanation. “I thought you said it could only carry a wizard and the Mother Confessor.”  
  
“It should!” he said, looking from one woman to the other as a grin spread over his Well, what do you know…the amulet clearly recognized the love the two of you have for each other.”  
  
Kahlan turned to Cara, expecting an eyeroll and a sarcastic remark but was surprised to find only a soft smile.  
  
“But perhaps the strain of bringing three people was too much for it,” Zedd mused, holding up the broken artefact.  
  
Cara’s smile dissolved into a picture of concern.  
  
“Richard…” she began. “He’s all alone.”  
  
Kahlan tilted her head at Cara’s choice of words. That didn’t sound like her at all.   
  
Zedd answered, not appearing to notice.  
  
“He’ll make his way here,” he said, assuredly. “He’ll have figured out what’s happened.”  
  
“Maybe…” Cara began, doubt of Richard’s deductive abilities clear in her voice.  
  
Kahlan was unable to wait any longer, striding out into the square to view the Confessor’s Palace. She smiled as it loomed into view; imposing and welcoming at once. Cara and Zedd came to stand by her, the wizard placed a hand on her shoulder and she smiled up at him. She turned her smile on Cara.  
  
“I’ve wanted to show you Aydindril for a long time,” she admitted. “I’m glad that you got to come with me, no matter how unconventional the route.”   
  
Kahlan was surprised to feel Cara’s hand slip into hers, the Mord’Sith was not usually one for overt gestures, especially in public.  
  
“It’s beautiful,” Cara said, looking up at the palace. “I look forward to seeing inside.”  
  
Kahlan graced her with a beautiful smile. “Then let’s not wait.” She squeezed Cara’s hand. “It’s good to be home.”  
  
\---  
  
On their way to the palace, they encountered Alferon, who explained Silas’ sacrifice and the need for the Mother Confessor to return. Kahlan’s interest was piqued when he mentioned a particular name.  
  
“Prince Fyren?” she asked. “Of Kelton?”  
  
“When Rahl fell, Fyren threw the D’Harans out of Kelton  _and_  Aydindril. Then he jailed the council members and proclaimed himself High Lord Regent. “  
  
“At a forest near Gallimore we found two bodies hanging from a tree bearing the seal of Aydindril round their necks,” Zedd told him.  
  
“Fyren’s work,” Alferon said, practically spitting as he spoke the Prince’s name. “He’s given bands of hoodlums the authority to enforce his laws, mostly archaic...or invented, demanding fines. When people can’t pay, or won’t, he makes examples out of them.”  
  
“I’ve heard enough,” Kahlan said, her face stony. “Where can I find Prince Fyren?”  
  
She felt Cara’s hand squeeze her own and it calmed her a little, but she still needed to see this for herself.  
  
\---  
  
The throne room was full of people, waiting for their cases to be heard. Kahlan, Zedd and Cara hung back, listening to the judgments and growing increasingly uneasy. The punishments were harsh and not in proportion to the crimes that had been committed. Kahlan had heard enough. She pulled her hood up around her hair and took a step forward. Cara’s hand on her arm stopped her.  
  
“Be careful,” she murmured. “I’ll be right behind you.”  
  
Kahlan nodded her understanding and walked to where Fyren was seated on the throne. She kept her head bowed as she approached and he leaned forward, a smile crawling over his lips. His eyes drifted down to her cleavage.  
  
“Well...what crime could this lovely young lady possibly have committed?” he asked, leaning his elbow on his knee and dipping his head to try to catch her eye.  
  
“It’s a private matter,” Kahlan said, keeping her head bowed so that he couldn’t see her face.  
  
Fyren grinned, expecting something salacious no doubt. He beckoned with his fingers. “Come closer.”  
  
Kahlan approached the throne, head still down.   
  
“Tell me what I can do for you,” Fyren oozed.  
  
Kahlan lifted her head, meeting his eyes, seeing recognition there almost immediately. She took down her hood. “You can get out of my chair,” she said, calmly.  
  
A gasp went up around the room as people began to sink to their knees in the presence of the Mother Confessor. Fyren sat back, his smile long since gone. He looked her up and down.  
  
“You aren’t here and your people need leadership,” he said. “You’ve abandoned them, I have nurtured them.”  
  
Kahlan raised an eyebrow at his insolence. She was the highest authority in the Midlands and he dared challenge her? From her  _own_  throne?  
  
“You would defy my orders? I am the Mother Confessor,” she said, her voice low and dangerous.  
  
“You have not proven yourself worthy of the title,” he announced, standing up and holding his arms out; showboating for the crowd. “Traipsing through the woods after the Seeker.” He turned his attention to Cara with a sneer. “Associating with _Mord’Sith_. I have yet to see anything of the greatness I hear tell of from the travelling bards.”  
  
His reaction to Cara provoked enough rage in Kahlan that she felt the beginnings of her confessor power tickle the palms of her hands and she knew her eyes were darkening. But Fyren’s lack of recognition of her greatness also appeared to have provoked something in Cara and she pushed past Kahlan, hands poised over her agiels.  
  
“How dare you speak to the Mother Confessor like that,” she seethed. “Get out of her chair. Now.”  
  
Fyren had the gall to smile at her. “Guards,” he called out, not removing his eyes from Cara’s. “Take the three of them to the dungeon until I decide their fate.”  
  
The room became a blur of action. The guards posted around the room surged forward. Kahlan drew her daggers and watched as Cara grasped her agiels. But something was wrong; the familiar whine was not there and Kahlan saw Cara look down at the weapons in her hands in confusion. A guard appeared behind Cara, his sword raised.  
  
“Cara!” Kahlan screamed, letting fly one of her daggers straight into the man’s heart. Cara spun around in time to see her would be assailant fall, her eyes found Kahlan again, full of something Kahlan had never seen in them before; panic.  
  
“My agiels aren’t working,” she called, elbowing another guard in the face without looking.  
  
Kahlan fought down the implications of that and turned to Fyren, grabbing his neck and letting her fury flow through her, her eyes turning black. Fyren’s body went slack, sliding to his knees and gazing up at her.  
  
“Command me, Confessor,” he breathed.  
  
“Call off the guards,” she ordered.  
  
“Stand down!” Fyren boomed, and all the fighting stopped immediately, the guards looking around in confusion.  
  
“Clear this room,” Kahlan said, moving to Cara’s side and beckoning Zedd to come closer.  
  
The room emptied quickly, leaving the three of them and Fyren alone. Kahlan sighed in frustration as she turned to her adoring prince.  
  
“Go and clean out the stables,” she told him. “And then come back to receive further orders.”  
  
“Yes, Mistress,” he said, with a bow and a grateful smile.  
  
When the door was closed, Kahlan turned to find Zedd holding one of Cara’s agiels. Both of them looked worried.  
  
“Is this…is Richard…” Kahlan began, unwilling to speak the words aloud.  
  
Zedd shook his head. “I don’t think so,” he said, though he sounded far from sure. “Cara, may I try something?”  
  
Cara nodded, her face open and trusting.  
  
“What are you going to try?” Kahlan interjected, stepping closer to Cara instinctively.  
  
“Cara, I’m going to throw a little magic at you…I want you to deflect it,” he said, assuming a spellcasting stance. “Kahlan, can you step aside for a moment?”  
  
Kahlan squeezed Cara’s forearm, giving her a warm smile before stepping away a little distance. Zedd recited a few words, gathering up what looked like a ball of air in his hands. On his final word, he hurled it at Cara. She held up a hand, clearly expecting it to bounce back and knock the wizard off his feet, but it slammed into her chest with the force of a large fist and she ended up on her back, sliding across the floor.  
  
“Zedd!” Kahlan yelped, running to Cara’s side. “I thought you said a ‘little’ magic.”  
  
“It  _was_  only a little magic,” Zedd said, looking at his hand and then at the prone Mord’Sith who was sitting up, rubbing her head.  
  
Kahlan ran a hand over Cara’s scalp, looking for cuts or bumps. Finding none she placed a kiss on the crown of her head.  
  
“Something’s wrong with me,” Cara said, quietly. She looked between Kahlan and Zedd. “It’s like I’m not a Mord’Sith anymore.”  
  
Kahlan let her hand slide to Cara’s shoulder, pulling her into a loose hug. “We’ll find out what’s happened,” she said, hoping she sounded more certain than she felt. She couldn’t imagine losing her confessor powers and her heart went out to Cara.  
  
Cara nodded and tried to smile at Kahlan for her comforting words. “Perhaps it was the amulet?” she suggested. “Maybe coming here the way we did affected me because it was never supposed to work on anyone other than wizards and confessors?”  
  
Kahlan nodded, it sounded plausible. “Zedd? Could it be the amulet?” she asked.  
  
“It’s…possible,” he allowed, trying to turn the possibilities over in his head. “I’ll look into it tomorrow. For now I think we could all do with a good night’s rest.”  
  
“Ambrosio’s?” Kahlan asked with a smile, pulling Cara to her feet and helping to dust off her leathers.  
  
“I think I shall pay that particular establishment a visit, yes,” Zedd confirmed. “Would the two of you care to join me?”  
  
Kahlan dipped her eyes, glancing at Cara before shaking her head.  
  
“I think we’ll probably have a bath and retire early,” she said. “It’s been a tiring day.”  
  
“Yes,” Cara agreed quickly. “I would very much like to retire early tonight.”  
  
Zedd inclined his head, hiding a knowing smile. “Of course,” he said. “I’ll leave you to your evening.”  
  
He moved towards the door but stopped by Cara, placing a hand on her shoulder.  
  
“And don’t worry, we’ll find a way to fix you,” he said. She smiled at him and nodded.  
  
“I know, Wizard,” she said. “I’m not worried.”  
  
His chest swelled a little at the confidence she appeared to have in him and he left the room feeling very positive.  
  
Kahlan waited until the door was closed behind Zedd and she turned to Cara, winding her arms around her waist and pulling her into her body.  
  
“Are you really okay?” she murmured against honey coloured hair.  
  
“Of course I am,” Cara said, kissing Kahlan’s collar bone. “It’s true, landing on my rear end didn’t do wonders for my pride, but I’m otherwise unscathed.”  
  
Kahlan laughed gently. “No, I meant about…not being a Mord’Sith.” She felt uncomfortable even saying the words to Cara, knowing that being a Mord’Sith was a large part of Cara’s identity and how she viewed herself.  
  
Cara lifted her head, her brow creased in thought. “I think I’ve become less and less of a Mord’Sith since the day I met you,” she mused, one side of her mouth quirking up in a smile. “I should have known that it would disappear completely one day.”  
  
Kahlan searched Cara’s face for any sign of sadness or regret at her words, but found none. From nowhere she was struck by the realisation that not only could she not  _find_  any, she couldn’t  _sense_  any. She could  _read_  Cara. Despite the fact that Cara’s agiels didn’t work and she couldn’t deflect Zedd’s magic,  _this_ , more than anything else, brought it home to Kahlan that Cara really was not a Mord’Sith. Rather than add insult to injury and tell her this, Kahlan moved in to kiss her soundly, leaving both of them short of breath.  
  
“So,” Cara panted. “You said something about an early night?”  
  
Kahlan nodded, enjoying the way Cara’s eyes darkened as she spoke.  
  
“I did.”  
  
“Then show me to your bedchamber, Confessor.”  
  
\---  
  
Having procured some horses – Richard didn’t like to ask  _how_  – the other two were making good time on their journey to Aydindril. Richard found himself watching Cara more than usual. He told himself that perhaps it was because she was currently his only companion, but he couldn’t silence the niggling worry at the back of his mind that something wasn’t quite right.  
  
The way Cara held herself seemed to have changed since Zedd and Kahlan left. She was more rigid, more tense. And her face was different. It was harsher. Harsher than Richard had ever seen it. He could see no hint of the playfulness that was often apparent in Cara’s features. She seemed to be all focus and determination. He sighed; she really must be missing Kahlan.  
  
Although his earlier efforts had not paid off, Richard was not deterred.  
  
“So, it’ll be nice for you to see Aydindril with Kahlan,” he ventured, urging his horse up to walk alongside Cara’s.  
  
Cara frowned.  
  
“It will be nice to be done with this folly and to return to more important manners.”  
  
“I know you want to see that Kahlan’s safe and it must interest you to see Aydindril.”  
  
“Finding the confessor and the wizard safe would make this fool’s errand slightly more acceptable. As for Aydindril, it holds no interest for me beyond getting there quickly so that we can then return our attention to closing the veil.”  
  
“Cara, it’s Kahlan’s  _home_ ,” Richard said. “She wants to share it with you.” He clamped down on the part of himself that was still sad it wasn’t  _him_  Kahlan wanted to take home. At least he would  _want_  to see Aydindril with her but that wasn’t the point. He was over it. He really was. So he kept telling himself.  
  
“Why would Kahlan’s home be of interest to anyone but Kahlan?”  
  
Richard shook his head. “Because it’s where she belongs,” he said. “Just like I belong to Hartland. And you belong...”  
  
She turned to look at him. “Yes, Lord Rahl. Where do I belong? Stowcroft? The People’s Palace? The Mord’Sith temple where I was broken?”   
  
He couldn’t hold her eyes. She was right, the concept of home was a strange one when put to the test. “I guess you’re right,” he admitted. “But I think Kahlan would still like for you to see Aydindril and that you would like to see her.”  
  
“Yes, I suppose that’s true.”  
  
They continued on in silence.  
  
\---  
  
Later that night, a knock came at the door of Zedd’s bedchambers. The old wizard dragged himself out of bed.  
  
“Who goes there?” he called through the wood, not keen to open the door in the middle of the night while he was still not fully awake.  
  
“It’s me,” Kahlan hissed. “Open the door.”  
  
Zedd quickly unbolted the lock and pulled the heavy wooden door open enough to see Kahlan, clad in her nightclothes and a robe and holding a lamp. He stood aside to let her enter. When she did, it became clear that she was agitated. She paced around the room, coming to a halt in front of Zedd after a moment, biting her lip in concern.  
  
“I think something’s wrong with Cara.”  
  
“What’s happened? Is she alright?” Zedd asked, immediately concerned.  
  
“No she’s…I mean, yes, physically she’s okay,” Kahlan said, becoming increasingly more uncomfortable. “But…we were…doing something. And then she cried.”  
  
The last vestiges of sleep clung to the wizard and he did not pick up on the meaning behind her words.  
  
“What on earth were you doing that made her cry?” he demanded, having trouble picturing Kahlan  _ever_  making Cara cry.  
  
Kahlan glared at him. “We were…doing intimate things.”  
  
Realisation dawned and Zedd had trouble hiding his amusement, causing Kahlan to glare harder at him.  
  
“Oh, I see,” Zedd said, clearing his throat. “And where is she now? Still crying?”  
  
“No. She’s in the library,” Kahlan said, shifting from foot to foot. “Writing a poem about it.”  
  
Zedd couldn’t hold in the chortle that issued forth at that.  
  
“Zedd!” Kahlan scolded. “How can you laugh at this?”  
  
“I’m sorry, Kahlan, truly,” he said. “I was merely imagining some future confessor finding the poem stuck in between the pages of a book during her studies.”  
  
Kahlan’s eyes went wide and she immediately turned, Zedd’s laughter echoing in her ears as she fled to the library to ensure that whatever poetic masterpiece Cara was crafting, it did  _not_  become her legacy to the race of confessors.  
  
\---  
  
“Could it be temporary?” Kahlan asked, hovering by Zedd’s shoulder as he pored over an ancient tome.  
  
He sighed. She had appeared shortly after breakfast and had not left his side. He understood her concern for Cara. He shared it. No person who possessed magical abilities could fail to be disturbed by the loss of them in another. It was both worrying and intriguing; he wanted to do his utmost to help Cara, but if there was a way to strip Mord’Sith of their powers, it could be a very important piece of knowledge to the holder.  
  
“Kahlan, I am doing as much as I can to find out what happened.” He had only been partly successful in keeping his frustration at her constant questions out of his voice. “I will keep you informed of my findings.”  
  
She nodded, but did not move from her position. He sighed again, louder this time. He hoped that Kahlan’s innate ability to read people would perhaps kick in at some point and that she would realise that her constant interruptions were hindering rather than helping the search for answers.  
  
“Have you ever heard of a Mord’Sith losing her powers before?”  
  
It would appear that it had not kicked in as yet. Zedd turned around in his chair to face Kahlan.  
  
“Does the Mother Confessor not have anything better to do upon her return to Aydindril than breathe down the neck of a busy old man?”  
  
The impatient tone surprised her and she took a step back, her eyes dropping. She hadn’t realised that her presence was an annoyance. Her worry over Cara had blinded her to everything else. She was a little confused about the degree to which she was worried. Cara seemed perfectly happy. Happier, in fact, than usual. On the surface at least. But Kahlan’s newfound ability to read Cara told her that underneath, she was hiding something.  
  
“I’m sorry. I just…I’m concerned.”  
  
His face softened and he stood, placing a hand on her shoulder.  
  
“I know, child. But the sooner you let me get on with what I need to get on with, the sooner we’ll be able to do something to help her.”  
  
She lifted her eyes to meet his; for all the world looking more like a worried little girl than the Mother Confessor. She attempted a smile.  
  
“I know. And you’re right. I really should be seeing what mess Fyren has left for me to clean up.”  
  
Zedd nodded his encouragement. “Indeed. The people are overjoyed to have you here. Go and be with them. I’ll see about Cara’s predicament.”  
  
Her smile faded. “She’ll be okay. I mean, she’s  _Cara_  so of course she’ll be okay.”   
  
“Yes, I have no doubt that Cara can and will adapt to anything she comes up against. But, with a little luck, she’ll be back to her old self in no time at all.”  
  
\---  
  
Although their route was lined with tall trees the foliage provided inadequate protection and Richard felt as though he was being slowly roasted from the inside out. His clothes were stuck to him and he could feel drops of sweat running like small rivers from his hair to his back.  
  
Cara seemed unperturbed. Her leathers should have made the heat unbearable but she showed no sign of discomfort. If her hair had not have been plastered to her forehead, Richard would have been convinced that she had ordered her body not to sweat in case it somehow slowed their journey.  
  
The tree line began to thin and Richard could hear the sound of running water. When they came to the crossing, Richard’s heart soared as he felt certain that Cara would allow them to rest and refresh the horses. He dismounted and stretched out his back.  
  
It seems that his logic was flawed as Cara’s actions did not echo his. In fact she pushed her horse through the water and was on the other side glaring at him when he raised his head after washing his face.  
  
She rode back across and looked down on him with disapproval, “This is wasting time.”  
  
“I need to rest.”  
  
“You can rest when we camp for the night.”  
  
“The horses need to be watered,” he countered. “They will not last if we continue at this rate.”  
  
“They will last as long as they last and when they fail we will find new horses.”  
  
Richard was taken aback. Cara was many things, most of them confusing, but he had never thought of her as someone who would ride a horse until it died. She may not have been willing to admit it but it was clear that the separation from Kahlan and fears for the confessor’s safety were weighing heavily on her. “You are not familiar with these lands. It may well take longer to find new horses or to be forced to travel on foot than it will to stop and rest.”  
  
“If you say so,” she replied, but it was clear that she was not happy with the plan.  
  
She would not allow them to remain in the open and instead insisted that they move further upstream. They found a shaded area that seemed to meet with Cara’s approval and she finally dismounted and allowed her horse to drink.  
  
Richard removed his shoes and waded into the water. Some stones tried to push their sharp points into his feet but that seemed insignificant compared with the relief that the water provided. He was going to recommend that Cara should also cool her feet when she strode into the water, naked, and disappeared beneath the surface.  
  
He turned away, embarrassed to have caught her in that state, and focused on the horses.  
  
“You don’t have to do that. I’m reasonably sure that you have seen a naked woman before.”  
  
“It’s not that, I’m trying to give you privacy.”  
  
“Lord Rahl, many people have seen me naked before. I am not ashamed of my body.”  
  
She did have a reasonable point and it was not as though he was unaware of her form. Her leathers left little to the imagination. Still, it was not the same. “I think I’d feel more comfortable if I went for a short walk instead.”  
  
“Pity,” Cara said, “I was going to ask you to join me.”  
  
“Cara you really shouldn’t joke about things like that.”  
  
“Why would I joke about something that is your right, my lord?” He heard a splash and knew that she had again submerged herself and so he disappeared into the trees before he had to reply.  
  
He sat against a tree and allowed his libido to cool. He was embarrassed to admit that Cara’s offer had been compelling. It was strange, her behaviour in the water was the closest that she had been to her playful self and yet it was as concerning as her cold veneer had been. He was starting to think that maybe she was right to risk the horses and that they needed to make haste to Aydindril.  
  
When he returned to the horses Cara was fully dressed.  _Fully_  dressed. She was wearing her Mord’Sith regalia and she looked ready to ride into battle. He made a mental note to himself to stop complaining and to never, ever again devise a plan that separated Kahlan and Cara.  
  
\---  
  
Kahlan rubbed the area between her eyes as she sat alone in the throne room, reading through numerous ancient texts that made very little practical sense in the modern world. She looked up gratefully when the door opened, hoping that it would be something to distract her. She hadn’t counted on it being  _quite_  as distracting as it turned out to be. Cara entered, with a small girl riding on her back.   
  
“Cara!” she barked, shock making her voice harsher than she’d intended. “Where did you get that child?”  
  
“In the courtyard.” Cara seemed to be taken aback by Kahlan’s attitude. It was only then that Kahlan realised that Cara was not wearing her leathers. She was dressed instead in a pair of tight fitting brown breeches and a man’s shirt. The shirt was unbuttoned to where Cara’s neckline usually sat, and the sleeves were rolled up, revealing her tanned forearms. Kahlan felt her body start to react, but drew herself back to the task in hand.  
  
“Did you just  _take_  her?” Kahlan asked, more gently, her mind going to Stowcroft and drowning caves and other things she usually tried not to think about.  
  
“Of course not, Kahlan,” Cara said, exchanging a bewildered look with the little girl before putting her down on the floor. “Her mother works in the kitchens and she wanted to see the room with the big chair. Next we’re going to feed the ducks in the fountain outside.” Her eyes lit up. “You should come with us. You’ve been working so hard since we got here.”  
  
Kahlan couldn’t help but be charmed by this softer, happier Cara. She didn’t have much time to contemplate it because the child was tugging on her dress. She looked down and smiled at the little face, smudged with dirt.  
  
“Yes, little one?” she asked, wondering if there would be a mucky handprint when the urchin released her hold on her dress. The child didn’t reply, but she turned to Cara.  
  
“You were right,” she said in her babyish voice. “She  _is_  the prettiest lady I ever see’d.”  
  
Kahlan flushed a deep red but Cara just grinned easily.  
  
“I told you so, didn’t I?” she said. “Now, do you want a seat in the big chair before we go find some ducks?”  
  
The child nodded her head rapidly and Kahlan watched with growing affection as Cara helped her into the throne and pretended to bow in front of her. Kahlan walked over and placed a hand on the small of Cara’s back as she stood back up.  
  
“I didn’t know you were so good with children,” Kahlan mumbled as the child proceeded to issue a number of royal decrees, mostly involving not eating vegetables.  
  
“Neither did I,” Cara said with a shrug. “But she seemed to take a liking to me and I find her strangely enjoyable to be with.” She turned to Kahlan with a shy smile. “Perhaps this will allay some of the fears you have about us having our own children.”  
  
“Having our…own children?” Kahlan squeaked.   
  
This was not something they’d discussed. They hadn’t even gotten close to the subject.   
  
“Yes,” Cara said. “I know you want them one day.”  
  
“I…well,” Kahlan fumbled around for the words. “Yes…I…it’s expected of me. Required almost.”  
  
Cara nodded. “I know. And I think you’ll make a wonderful mother. And now you can see that I might not be completely awful at it either.”  
  
Kahlan took Cara’s hand, intertwining their fingers, a wondrous smile on her face.  
  
“I didn’t ever think that,” she said. “I didn’t ever let myself think…that you’d  _want_  to have children with me. I mean, the thought of being with someone other than you fills me with disgu-“  
  
She was cut off by Cara’s hand over her mouth.  
  
“Don’t even say that,” she whispered. “You won’t need to lie with some fawning prince, or worse, some confessed soldier.”  
  
Kahlan raised an eyebrow in question, unable to speak past Cara’s hand. Cara shook her head, an affectionate smile playing at her lips.  
  
“Kahlan, we travel with a Wizard of the First Order. I’m sure he can find a way for us to produce a child that’s ours.”  
  
A tear made its way from Kahlan’s eye and Cara moved her hand to catch it with her thumb.  
  
“Don’t’ cry,” Cara whispered. “The child will think you’re sad.”  
  
Kahlan shook her head and kissed Cara softly, wiping at her eyes and smiling.  
  
“You’re full of surprises,” she mumbled.  
  
“Ducks now?”  
  
They both turned to the little voice and to find the girl sitting swinging her legs back and forth on Kahlan’s throne.  
  
“Ducks now,” Cara confirmed.  
  
“Is the pretty lady gonna come?”  
  
Cara turned back to Kahlan with a bright smile.  
  
“What do you say, pretty lady?” she asked with a wink. “Are you coming?”  
  
Kahlan glanced at the paperwork scattered across the table and sighed. A smile crept over her lips and she looked at the wide-eyed excitement on the faces of both of her companions. She took Cara’s hand and held out her other one to the grubby child.  
  
“Let’s go and feed the ducks.”  
  
For now, Kahlan was content to enjoy the day and to ignore the part of her that knew that Cara would never, under normal circumstances, voluntarily talk about having children.


	2. Chapter 2

Night was approaching on the third day of their journey, and Richard’s horse was beginning to lag. The pace that Cara was setting was brutal. It wasn’t just the horse who was having difficulty, Richard’s body ached and his stomach loudly protested its empty state. He was going to suggest that it was time to make camp when Cara held her hand up and slowed her horse.  
  
She flicked a glance at him and the predatory look in her eyes was frightening. She launched off her mount and landed in a crouch. Richard’s body came to life. Cara’s actions telegraphed danger and his skin now prickled. He dismounted and drew the Sword of Truth.  
  
The attack came swiftly with three approaching from the front and another three at their flank. Richard moved to fight back to back with Cara but she had already engaged the first of their opponents. Richard was forced to take the three approaching from the rear.  
  
He had felled one and was managing to keep the other two at bay when Cara joined the fray. She landed on the back of the larger of the two and locked her hands around his head. She twisted her arm and the force of her movement snapped his neck. He crumpled to the ground and she stepped over his body as she approached the last of the men. He dropped his sword and held his hands up in surrender.  
  
The Mord’Sith was blind to his actions. She kicked him in solar plexus forcing him to double over and then crashed her knee into his head. He fell sideways and she straddled him, reigning blows on his face. When he stopped moving she rolled him onto his back and placed her agiel in the centre of his chest.  
  
The woman who rose terrified Richard. Her mouth was smeared with blood and there was no trace of humanity in her face.  
  
“Cara,” Richard looked down at the broken body before him, “you didn’t need to kill him.”  
  
“He was a threat,” she stated matter-of-factly.  
  
“He was outnumbered and disarmed. He was no threat to you.”  
  
“And if he were to live?”  
  
“He would have known that you showed him compassion.”  
  
Cara looked at him as though he were defective, “He would have known our position and could have bought reinforcements. I can assure you that if it were us who were outnumbered and unarmed he would have shown us no mercy.”  
  
“That may well be but you didn’t need to kill him. For all you know these were common thieves and no reinforcements were to be had.”  
  
She looked down at the corpse, “Perhaps I could have just broken both his legs.”  
  
“That is not what I meant.”  
  
“You would prefer that I risk your safety for the sake of a man who attacked us?”  
  
“I would prefer that there is no senseless killing,” Richard stated.  
  
“Then I fear your reign as Lord Rahl will be brief.” Cara replied as she mounted her horse as though nothing had happened.  
  
\---  
  
To Richard’s surprise Cara allowed them to camp for the night. She even allowed him to eat, although she drew the line at a campfire. She seemed convinced that the woods were teeming with enemies.  
  
Cara was taciturn throughout the evening which suited Richard. He really didn’t know what he would say to her. Cara informed him that he needed to rest so they could start before the sun rose to get better use of the horses. He had no objection and turned in soon after he had eaten.   
  
Richard lay with his sword closer to him than usual. On some level he feared that Cara would slit his throat during the night. He was convinced that he would not be able to sleep but it appeared that he was wrong because he startled awake to find Cara lying on top of him.  
  
His brain was still a little groggy from sleep but it didn’t take him long to process that Cara was naked and that her hand was massaging his crotch.  
  
“Cara! What do you think you’re doing?”  
  
“My duty, Lord Rahl. We fought hard today and release is warranted.”  
  
Cara slid up so that she was sitting over the area that her hand had been attending to.  
  
“We shouldn’t do this,” Richard said.  
  
Cara rocked her hips against him and cupped her own breast with her hand. “I know that you like women.”  
  
“That’s not the problem.”  
  
Cara stilled and closed her eyes.  
  
“Am I not pleasing to you. my lord?”  
  
Richard wasn’t sure how someone could be terrifying and vulnerable at the same time but she had managed it.  
  
“There is nothing wrong with you Cara.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
She attacked his neck with violent kisses. Richard tried to use his weight to push her off but she clung to him and he ended up on top on her.  
  
“Cara we cannot do this.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“Because of Kahlan.”  
  
Cara’s body went rigid and Richard was briefly worried that she may use the hand that was resting on the back of his neck to choke him.  
  
“You’re still in love with her.”  
  
“No.” A lie. “But you are.” The truth.  
  
“Oh that,” Cara said dismissively and skimmed her hands down Richard’s body.  
  
“What would Kahlan say if she was here now?”  
  
“Kahlan might stab one of us. Probably you."  
  
“So we can’t do this.”  
  
“But Lord Rahl, Kahlan is not here.”  
  
Richard was starting to worry about himself because during their brief exchange of words about Kahlan, Cara had managed to pull his pants down without him noticing.  
  
It was difficult to find a face saving way to convince Cara to stop when she was stroking the shaft of his erect penis. She seemed to sense that the tide was changing and she slithered lower to claim him with her mouth.  
  
She was far from gentle and she used her teeth on parts of his body that he felt should be treated more delicately but there was no denying that he enjoyed her ministrations. Her hands came to his ass and he felt the urge to thrust against her face but that was not how he wanted this to go.  
  
“No,” he said.  
  
Cara didn’t stop and he pulled roughly at her shoulders. She bit down in response and he yelped. Her lips decreased their pressure and he was certain that she was smiling.  
  
He grabbed her again and this time managed to pull her up so that he could enter her. In return Cara forced her tongue into his mouth and dug her nails into his back.  
  
Richard could feel Cara rocking against him and knew that he was moving close to the brink. He attempted to slow his own hips but that met with opposition from Cara.  
  
“Harder my lord.”  
  
He increased his pace and felt that he was slamming into her but this didn’t seem to be enough for Cara.  
  
“Harder,” she insisted.  
  
“I don’t want to hurt you.”  
  
“Pain and pleasure are closer than people think.” She nipped at his shoulder and he had to admit that the pain was satisfying. That may have been a moot point though because his movements had become less co-ordinated and he felt that may not have had much control from that point on.  
  
He thrust as hard and as deep as he was able and was pleased to note that Cara arched her back and let out a long moan. Not long after that he spasmed for the last time.  
  
There was certainly no snuggling to be had. There were not even words exchanged. Cara simply got up and returned to her part of the camp.  
  
Richard’s post coital period wasn’t exactly blissful. Part of him had to admit that there were definite advantages to being the Lord Rahl but he knew that Cara was not herself and feared that Kahlan may never forever him for what he’d done. For that matter he may not be able to forgive himself.  
  
\---  
  
Kahlan gradually became aware of movement in the bed beside her. She fought against the pull of sleep and managed to force her eyes open. Cara was shaking her head and grasping at the sheets, obviously caught in a nightmare. Kahlan couldn’t ever remember Cara mentioning dreaming, let alone having nightmares.  
  
“No…” Cara whimpered, her head thrashing to one side. Kahlan could see in the moonlight that she was sweating.  
  
She reached over and placed a hand on Cara’s abdomen, over the covers, careful not to startle her. She’d learned to her detriment never to wake a trained warrior suddenly. The look of pain on Cara’s face was breaking her heart and she shook her gently.  
  
“Cara, Cara wake up,” she murmured, inching closer.  
  
“No…” Cara said again, only this time it was drawn out into almost a wail. “Don’t hurt them…”  
  
Kahlan’s brow creased in concern and she shook Cara harder.  
  
“Cara, come on, you’re dreaming,” she said loudly.  
  
Cara awoke with a jerk, sitting up and looking around wildly, trying to ascertain where she was. Kahlan sat up too, rubbing soothing circles into Cara’s lower back but not crowding her, letting her come back to herself.  
  
Cara lifted a shaking hand to rake through her hair, her breathing slowly returning to normal. Kahlan moved closer and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.  
  
“Are you okay?” she whispered, leaving her lips against Cara’s skin.  
  
Silence dragged out between them, only broken by the sound of Cara’s ragged breathing.  
  
“I keep seeing them.”  
  
The whispered admission was almost lost to the night but Kahlan caught it. She propped her chin on Cara’s shoulder, sliding her hand around to her belly.  
  
“Who do you see?”  
  
Again, the response wasn’t immediate, though Kahlan knew it was coming and waited without further prompting.  
  
“All of them. All of the people I killed. And maimed. And tortured.”  
  
Her voice caught on the last word and she covered her face with her hands. Kahlan closed her eyes, tightening her arm around Cara and turning her face into her hair.  
  
“You’ve changed,” she whispered, fiercely. “You were a different person.”  
  
But Cara was already shaking her head, forming a denial.  
  
“It was  _me_ , Kahlan,” she said. “It was  _my_  hands,  _my_  eyes that looked into theirs...Creator, their eyes haunt me.”  
  
Kahlan’s hand was gentle on her chin, turning her face around so that their eyes locked in the dim light. She shook her head. “But it wasn’t your  _choice_ , was it? It was Darken Rahl’s. It was his choice that you were taken as a child and tortured into accepting a life of obedience and servitude. It was his choice that you killed all those people, not yours.”  
  
Kahlan had often wondered if Cara thought about her past deeds. It wasn’t a subject they discussed often. Kahlan assumed that Cara had accepted them for what they were: part of her past. That’s how Kahlan viewed them. Sometimes she marvelled at exactly how easy it was for her to separate Cara’s deeds from Cara as a person. She wondered if she would be so quick to forgive anyone else who had carried out the atrocities that Cara had. It gave Kahlan pause to think about the people that she killed in battle. She’d killed countless soldiers and scores of Mord’Sith, all of whom were only following orders. Those people never got the chance to redeem themselves.  
  
Cara’s eyes dropped and Kahlan reined in the desire to kiss everything away. She could sense that there was more to come. She was right. Cara inhaled; her breath still shaky. She didn’t lift her eyes as she spoke.  
  
“How can you look at me? Touch me? Bear to be  _near_  me?” Finally her eyes met Kahlan’s. “I killed your sister.”  
  
Kahlan let her forehead drop forward to rest against Cara’s, closing her eyes. “I know. And it took me a long time to reconcile that image of you with the woman I travelled with every day.” Here she did kiss Cara, a tiny kiss on her lips. “You are here because  _you_  made the choice to be here...because you  _want_  to be here with us, saving the world, helping people. For the first time in your life, your choices are your own and you chose to be  _here_.” She lifted her head to look into Cara’s eyes again. “How could I not admire that?”  
  
Cara let out a short, bitter laugh, shaking her head. “You say that like anybody would feel the same.” She brought her hand to Kahlan’s cheek. “They wouldn’t. You, Kahlan Amnell, are uniquely compassionate.”  
  
Kahlan blushed under such a direct compliment from Cara. Her smile was soft as she replied. “I think most people would respond to the changes you’ve made, Cara. But that’s not why I love you. I love you because you’re funny and smart and challenging and sweet.” Cara laughed at that and Kahlan’s smile stretched at the sound of it. ”You  _are_. And because of those things and a million others I could list if you really want me to, I love you. And I think most people would too, if you gave them a chance. Because you, Cara Mason, are a loveable person.”  
  
Cara rolled her eyes, as Kahlan had expected, but she was glad to see a small smile tug at the other woman’s lips.  
  
“I don’t care to be loveable.” The grumble almost sounded like Cara was back to herself. “I care to be loved by you and you alone.” There was a short pause. “And Richard, I suppose. And maybe Zedd. A little.”  
  
“Well, I think you can be safe in the knowledge that you have our love.” She leaned in a little closer to whisper. “Especially mine.”  
  
The smile faded from Cara’s face and it was like watching a star falling out of the sky. She closed her eyes for a moment. Kahlan waited for her to speak. When Cara opened her eyes, they were shining.  
  
“I want to spend my life trying to be deserving of that love. Of you.”  
  
Kahlan felt her own eyes grow hot with tears. She slid her hand behind Cara’s neck, threading it up into her hair, pulling their faces together. When she spoke, her lips brushed against Cara’s.  
  
“You already are. Please believe that.”  
  
Cara pressed her lips against Kahlan’s in a firm kiss. “I’ll try.”  
  
Kahlan reclaimed her lips, turning so that Cara was forced to lay back against the pillows with Kahlan hovering over her. She looked down at Cara and dipped her head to steal another sweet kiss. “Then let me help to convince you.”  
  
Kahlan moved so that she was on her knees, fully straddling Cara’s waist. The Mord’Sith had taken to sleeping in the nude since their arrival in Aydindril and now, bathed in moonlight, her skin appeared to glow with a warmth that Kahlan knew would be borne out if she were to reach out and touch her. She held off, taking a moment just to drink in the sight of her lover stretched out and waiting. Cara’s eyes were so full of trust that Kahlan’s chest felt tight at the privilege. She brought her hands to the hem of the shift she’d been sleeping in and pulled it over her head, leaving her as naked as Cara. Almost immediately, Cara’s hands were at her hips, sliding upwards slowly. She covered them with her own to halt their progress, shaking her head.  
  
“No.”  
  
“No?” Cara’s brow was twisted in confusion and Kahlan smiled at the lines that had formed between her eyebrows; she’d always found them adorable.  
  
“No. This is about your enjoyment tonight. Your pleasure.”  
  
Cara’s lips slid into an easy smile. She rubbed her thumbs across the skin of Kahlan’s sides.  
  
“Kahlan, if you think that touching you doesn’t bring me pleasure, you’re very much mistaken.”  
  
Despite a long acquaintance with Cara’s ability to discuss these matters without embarrassment, Kahlan couldn’t fight the blush that bloomed across her neck and chest. She squeezed Cara’s hands, still trapped beneath her own.  
  
“I know it does. But tonight I want to touch you…” Her voice was rich with humour when she continued. “If you have any energy left once I’m done with you, maybe I’ll let you touch me.”  
  
The remark clearly took Cara by surprise and she let loose a peal of laughter that tickled Kahlan’s ears.  
  
“Well, that sounds like a challenge if ever I heard one, Mother Confessor.” Cara’s eyes twinkled. “One I will gladly accept.”  
  
Kahlan pulled Cara’s hands away from her sides and leaned forward to press them to the pillow above Cara’s head. She kissed her nose, highly aware that her breasts were pushing against Cara’s. “Mmmhmmm. We’ll see how long that lasts.” Kahlan was no fool. She knew that by insinuating that Cara couldn’t help but touch her, she was increasing the likelihood that Cara’s focus and stubbornness would actually allow her the time to explore the blonde’s body.  
  
Cara grunted and lifted off the bed, pressing the length of their bodies together. Kahlan’s breath caught in her throat and she narrowed her eyes.  
  
“Sorry.” Cara looked anything but. “Habit.”  
  
With a final kiss, Kahlan released Cara’s wrists and pushed herself back up so that she was kneeling again, resting against Cara’s abdomen. She was sure that her arousal was evident against the other woman’s skin. She watched with approval as Cara’s hands moved to grasp the spokes of the headboard, giving Kahlan permission to do as she pleased. And Kahlan planned to.  
  
She placed both hands on Cara’s ribs, framing her torso and revelling in the sharp intake of breath it caused. She slid her hands up and around, cupping Cara’s breasts, rubbing her thumbs over erect nipples and teasing them briefly before moving away. Cara let out a low keening sound at the loss, but this rapidly changed into a moan as Kahlan shifted and lowered her mouth to run her tongue over the hardened nub. She took her time worshipping Cara’s breasts, moving from one to the other, replacing mouth with hands and vice versa until she was sure Cara was well and truly worked up.  
  
“Kahlan.” In one word Kahlan could hear the need and desire in Cara’s voice. She stretched up to see her face, A sheen of sweat coated Cara’s forehead, her eyes glassy and unfocussed. Kahlan glided up Cara’s body, making sure that every part of them that could be touching was touching. The move caused Cara to bite her lip and let her head drop back. Kahlan took advantage of this and licked a stripe up Cara’s neck, over her thundering pulse, to her earlobe which she bit gently.  
  
Cara turned her head to meet Kahlan’s lips in a fierce kiss, their tongues clashing before settling into a familiar dance. Kahlan slipped her thigh between Cara’s, gasping at the evidence of her arousal. Cara’s hips began to move, seeking out contact, but Kahlan shifted again, making sure her leg was just out of reach. A half whine, half growl erupted from Cara and Kahlan smiled against her lips.  
  
“Soon. I promise.”  
  
Cara shook her head, desperately. “No. Now, Kahlan. Please.”  
  
Kahlan’s brow creased in concern and she stroked Cara’s cheek, startled by the plea. Cara did not beg. Kahlan nodded, letting her hand drift downwards until she reached the source of Cara’s need. She ran her fingers through slick folds, coating them in wet heat and entering Cara suddenly. The blonde cried out, her hips rising to meet Kahlan’s hand, deepening her thrust. Kahlan withdrew her hand, bringing it up to coat Cara’s lips before covering them with her own, the taste making both of them moan and increasing their need.  
  
When she drew back, Kahlan didn’t waste any time. She returned her hand to its previous position, playing with Cara’s clit but not applying nearly enough pressure to be satisfying. She kissed her way down Cara’s body, nipping at the skin with her teeth and leaving marks in her wake. She settled on her belly between Cara’s legs. Keeping up the gentle pressure with her fingers, she leaned in and pressed a kiss against Cara’s centre. She anticipated the rise of her pelvis and used her other arm to keep her in place.  
  
“Kahlan.” Cara’s voice was no more than an exhalation now, but to her credit, she was still holding the bars of the headboard. Kahlan decided to reward her by cutting short her teasing. She flattened her tongue and dragged it over Cara’s clit, feeling Cara’s moan reverberate through her body. She could feel her own magic building as her arousal grew, but clamped down on it, keeping it at bay. She licked several short, sharp strokes where Cara needed them before sliding her tongue inside.  
  
A tug at her hair indicated that Cara’s patience had run out and Kahlan smile against her. “What do you want?”  
  
“Up.” Cara urged with voice and hand fisted in her hair. “Up here…with me.”  
  
Kahlan knew they didn’t have much time and she dropped a final kiss on Cara’s pubic bone before moving up to drape her body over her lover’s. Cara’s breathing was heavy Kahlan swept away sweat soaked hair from her brow, kissing there and on her cheek and on her mouth. Her other hand quickly entered Cara, thrusting deeply, the heel of her hand adding much needed friction and her hips driving her thrusts. They moved together for long moments, Cara straining up against Kahlan. Her hands now moved freely over Kahlan’s body, pulling her closer and holding her.  
  
The first tremors of Cara’s orgasm swept over Kahlan and she fought to keep her eyes from turning black. Cara’s body rose up, muscles screaming as she went rigid beneath Kahlan. She whispered Kahlan’s name and fell back down, boneless and gasping for air. Kahlan continued to stroke her gently, letting her come down, watching the emotions play across her face.  
  
When she was finally able to open her eyes, Cara smiled up at Kahlan, pulling her down for a sweet kiss.  
  
“I love you,” she breathed. “With everything in me, I love you.”  
  
Kahlan swallowed hard against the sudden lump in her throat. Cara, though demonstrative in her own way, did not often say those words unprompted; generally she said them as a muttered response to Kahlan saying them first.  
  
“I love you too,” Kahlan managed to get out. “If only you knew how much.”  
  
Cara ran her forefinger from Kahlan’s brow, down her nose, to cover her lips. She smiled.  
  
“Not half as much as I love you.”  
  
Kahlan shook her head in protest, but the smile on Cara’s face showed she was mostly teasing. Kahlan sighed dramatically.  
  
“Are you just trying to get me to  _show_  you again?”  
  
In an unexpected move, Cara rolled them both over so that she was lying on top of Kahlan. She grinned. “I believe it’s my turn to show  _you_.”  
  
\---  
  
When Richard awoke he was no longer frightened that Cara might be waiting to kill him. He was much more concerned that she might be naked again. When he thought about it, a knife at his throat may have been the better option.  
  
He cautiously opened his eyes and was pleased to discover that Cara was not in his field of vision. He hurried to gather his bedroll and to attend to his horse. Cara had already beaten him to the job and she stood between the horses holding their reins. He stuffed his bedding into the saddle bag and swung himself onto his mount.  
  
Cara gracefully followed suit but then she walked her horse around his in a slow circle.  
  
“You look pale, Lord Rahl.”  
  
“I’m fine.”  
  
“Did you not get enough sleep?”  
  
That was something that Richard did not want to talk about. Ever. “I’m fine.”  
  
She tilted her head to the side and smiled, “You are clearly worried. I’m just not sure if you fear that I will pounce on you or that I won’t.”  
  
Things were skirting around a topic that he desperately wanted to avoid, “We should get going. There is still a lot of ground to cover.”  
  
“You don’t need to be embarrassed. I’m here to do your bidding. Whatever that may be.” She shot him a lust filled glance and suddenly the crotch of his pants seemed way too tight. This was not in any way helping the situation.  
  
“Cara, we really need to get to Kahlan.”  
  
Cara’s body went rigid and she dropped her eyes, “As you wish.” She flicked her reins and her horse took off leaving him alone with his thoughts.  
  
Only a few days ago he had judged Cara for putting the horses at risk but when he kicked his heels into the horse’s flank he had no concerns for its safety. Sparing the horses was no longer an option. They needed to get to Aydindril as quickly as possible.  
  
Richard did not allow him himself to contemplate what would happen if they got there and could not find Zedd and Kahlan. They absolutely had to be there because the alternative was unbearable. Something was very wrong with Cara and if Zedd and Kahlan were not there fix it, people were going to suffer.  
  
\---  
  
Kahlan had finished hearing supplicants for the day and was heading to the library to see if Zedd had made any progress in his quest for answers. She knew in her heart that he had not or he would have sent word to her. She pushed open the heavy wooden door to find the wizard with his elbows on the table and his face in his hands. She froze in the doorway.  
  
“Zedd?”   
  
Her voice was barely above a whisper as she was using all of her effort not to panic at his desolate pose. He looked up and offered her a weary smile.  
  
“Kahlan. How has your day been?”  
  
Her body relaxed a little at the conversational tone in his voice and she stepped further into the room, taking a seat beside Zedd at the table. She placed her hand over his where it lay on an open book between them.  
  
“My day has been unremarkable,” she said, squeezing his hand. “How has  _your_  day been?”  
  
“Uninspiring.”   
  
She watched him deflate, sinking down in his seat. He looked older since their arrival in Aydindril. She tried to smile for his benefit but it came off a half-hearted at best.   
  
“You’ll find something. You’ll fix this.” She nodded as she was speaking but she could not shake the niggling voice in her head, wondering what would become of them all if he couldn’t.  
  
“I’ve…sensed a change in her these past days,” Zedd ventured, watching Kahlan’s face for a reaction. “You seem to be more concerned than you were.”  
  
Kahlan closed her eyes and tried to think of a way to put her thoughts into words because it was difficult to pinpoint exactly what was wrong. She looked at Zedd.  
  
“It’s like she’s feeling too much,” she began, her words hesitant, almost as if saying them aloud made them more real. “I don’t know if that explains what’s happening, but it seems as if being a Mord’Sith allowed her to control her thoughts and feelings and now she can’t and it’s hurting her.” A sob caught in her throat. “I can’t bear to see her hurting.”  
  
His hand came to rest on her shoulder.  
  
“I know, child. I know. I saw her in the courtyard this morning and I was trying to think of a word to describe how she appeared to me. ‘Haunted’ was the one that wouldn’t leave.”  
  
Kahlan nodded, wiping at the few tears that had escaped her eyes. “That’s it. I can see how much pain she’s in. I don’t know if she was before and I just couldn’t read it, but there’s so much pain and regret in her…I don’t know how she can stand it and I have to believe that being a Mord’Sith has something to do with it; that she doesn’t hurt like this all the time.” Kahlan sighed. “I want her back to normal. I want her to be  _Cara_  again.”  
  
Zedd had no chance to respond as another voice entered the conversation.  
  
“You seem very intent on ‘fixing’ me, Kahlan.”  
  
They looked over to see Cara standing in the doorway, the hurt expression on her face went straight to Kahlan’s heart and she stood immediately, moving to the other woman. But Cara drew back from Kahlan’s outstretched hand, refusing to look at her. She turned her attention to Zedd.  
  
“And you, Wizard, you seem to be devoting all of your time to make sure the Mother Confessor’s desire for me to be back to ‘normal’ is fulfilled.”  
  
“Cara, I’m merely trying to find out what’s happened to you.” Zedd said, standing too. “Kahlan’s worried about you. We both are.”  
  
“What is it exactly that you’re both so worried about?” Cara asked. “Are you worried about me no longer being a cold-blooded killer? Worried about me no longer being tied to Richard and your quest?” Her eyes swung to meet Kahlan’s. “Worried that a single touch from you no longer holds the threat of an excruciating death over my head if I ever get out of line?”  
  
Kahlan’s mouth formed an exclamation of disbelief but no sound came out. Cara’s words had hit her like a kick to the stomach and she couldn’t get air into or out of her lungs. Zedd came to stand at Kahlan’s shoulder.  
  
“Cara, you don’t mean that.”  
  
“Don’t I?” she challenged. “This from the man who slept with a dagger under his pillow until more recently than he admits to. Don’t stand there and pretend that you’re not still afraid of me on some level.”  
  
“Cara,” Kahlan’s voice was a plea; an appeal for her to stop saying these things. Because Kahlan knew that Cara believed them to be true.  
  
When Cara looked at her this time there was a spark of determination there. Cara had made up her mind about something and Kahlan was afraid to find out what it might be. She didn’t have to wait long.  
  
“Confess me.”  
  
Both Kahlan and Zedd stared at her, unspeaking. Cara lunged forward and grabbed Kahlan’s right hand, lifting it to her neck and pressing it against her flesh as if to emphasise what she was asking.  
  
“Confess me. Then you’ll never have to be afraid of me again. Any of you.”  
  
Kahlan shook her head, trying to wrest her hand out of Cara’s grip. “No. Cara, stop this.”  
  
“But it’s perfect,” Cara protested. “You won’t kill me. I’m not a Mord’Sith And I already love you more than I thought it possible, so it wouldn’t make any difference if I were confessed. I’m already yours, Kahlan. Just take the rest of me and we can be together like we want to be.”  
  
Kahlan managed to get her hand free and she backed away, moving slightly behind Zedd. The depth of feeling and the force of the truth behind Cara’s words was almost overwhelming.  
  
“Cara,” she said, not quite managing to keep her voice from trembling. “I will not confess you. I’d sooner cut off my hand than destroy the person you are.”  
  
Zedd looked like he wished he were anywhere but in the middle of this exchange, but he valiantly tried to get through to Cara.  
  
“Cara, listen to Kahlan. This is not you. You would never ask her to take away your freewill.”  
  
Cara didn’t even glance at the old man as he spoke; her attention remained with Kahlan. The light seemed to have completely gone from her eyes.  
  
“If you will not take this opportunity to allow us to be together completely, I can only assume you don’t want to be with me. Perhaps you are keeping your options open. There’s always Prince Fyren, I’m sure he’d make an excellent sire. Or Richard, of course, who still holds a torch for you. I hope you’re happy with whichever you choose.”  
  
Kahlan pushed past Zedd but Cara had already gone and Kahlan knew that she had no chance of catching her if she didn’t want to be caught. Kahlan turned back to Zedd and he raised his eyebrows.  
  
“I’ll get back to the books.”  
  
“Please,” Kahlan begged, her eyes filling with tears. “Find something soon.”  
  
It was many hours later when Cara showed up at Kahlan’s bedchamber. The quiet knock and the shamefaced expression that greeted her when she opened the door almost prompted a fresh onslaught of tears. But she was determined that she would remain composed and have the conversation that she needed to. She reached out and pulled Cara into the room, dragging her to the bed and seating them both on the edge. She kept hold of Cara’s hand.   
  
“I’m sorry.” Cara looked into her eyes, the skin between her eyebrows creased in worry. “I don’t know why I said those things to you and Zedd. Especially to you. I didn’t…I don’t want you to be with Fyren and I…”  
  
Kahlan placed a gentle finger on Cara’s lips to quiet her. She brought both hands to Cara’s cheeks, making sure that they were looking directly into each other’s eyes before she spoke.  
  
“Cara, I want to be with  _you_.” She left no room for argument as she continued. “I want to be with  _all_  of you. I want you to push me and challenge me and argue with me and make fun of me. I don’t want some soulless devotee who follows me round like a puppydog. I want  _you_.”  
  
She punctuated her statement with a long, slow kiss of reassurance which Cara returned, eagerly. Kahlan pulled away enough to speak.  
  
“I want you to talk to me about anything you want to, anything you need to, okay?” she urged. “I don’t want you to get to this point again…where you’re this worried. Just talk to me, okay?”  
  
Cara nodded, moving in for another chaste kiss. She looked up into Kahlan’s eyes and for a moment Kahlan thought she might actually start to talk about what she was feeling. Cara nodded.  
  
“I will, when I need to. But right now, can you hold me?”  
  
Kahlan smiled and moved further onto the bed, waiting for Cara to join her. Neither of them bothered to undress. Kahlan waited until Cara was lying down before moving in behind her, moulding her curves to Cara’s. She wound her arm around Cara’s torso and pulled her closer, her chin coming to settle against the other woman’s shoulder.  
  
“Are you okay?” she mumbled into Cara’s hair, wondering if she’d get an honest answer.  
  
There was a pause and then Cara squeezed her arm.  
  
“I’m okay right now.”  
  
Kahlan nodded. Everything considered, that was all she could really ask for.  
  
\---  
  
It was dark when they entered Aydindril. Richard could not help but find that fact ominous.  
  
They had released the horses before their arrival. He had suspected Cara would insist that they sell, or a least trade them, but she made no comment. Although she had been quiet for most of the journey she somehow seemed more withdrawn as they neared their destination.  
  
Their arrival failed to provide him any relief. He had felt a sense of certainty during their trip but that had completely evaporated. A large object had apparently lodged itself in his throat and the sensation he felt in the pit of his stomach suggested that he knew the outcome would not be favourable.  
  
He contemplated asking passersby whether Kahlan and Zedd had arrived but he knew that he was just trying to stall. They made their way toward the Confessor’s Palace and whatever awaited them there.  
  
As Richard entered the courtyard he spied a tall figure that simply could not be mistaken for anyone else.  
  
“Zedd!” Richard called and was pleased that the person who turned to face him was indeed his grandfather.  
  
“Richard!” Zedd cried. “You’ve made good time.”  
  
If he hadn’t been focused on more urgent matters Richard might have paused to wonder why Zedd seemed unperturbed that he’d been swayed from his quest for the Stone.  
  
“It’s good to see you too,” Richard grumbled.  
  
“My boy it is a pleasure to see you but it pains me that things did not go entirely to plan.”  
  
Richard felt an overwhelming sense of dread. Zedd’s words confirmed that something bad had indeed happened to Kahlan. He should have asked about her wellbeing but he really didn’t want to know the answer. “We encountered some problems,” Richard felt that was an appropriate synopsis and it neatly avoided the painful subject of Kahlan. .  
  
Zedd’s brow creased. “We?”  
  
Richard spun around and was surprised to find that Cara was not behind him. She had shadowed his every move since they reached Aydindril and he could not understand why she had disappeared.  
  
“Mainly we were worried that something went wrong with the spell?”  
  
“We?” Zedd asked again and Richard became concerned that the backfiring spell had not just harmed Kahlan. It seemed that his grandfather was now senile.  
  
“Yes, Wizard, it means more than one person,” Cara said stepping from the shadows and startling both Richard and Zedd. “As in, Richard and I…we.”  
  
“By the spirits!” Zedd’s eyes almost fell out of his head, he clutched his chest in shock and reeled back. Richard immediately went to him and Cara frowned.  
  
“Zedd? What’s wrong?” Richard asked, leading him to a chair. The wizard’s eyes never left Cara, taking in her full Mord’Sith uniform and blank expression. He turned to Richard for a moment, and then back to the young woman.  
  
“Cara, could you excuse us for a moment?” he asked.  
  
“You’re excused,” Cara said, not moving. Richard sighed.  
  
“Cara, give as a moment alone, would you?” he said.  
  
“As you wish, Lord Rahl,” Cara said, rolling the words around her tongue seductively before turning and melting into the shadows. Zedd watched her disappear and then turned his attention to the Seeker.  
  
“Have you, perhaps, noticed anything strange about Cara on your journey?” he asked in a low voice.  
  
Richard raised both of his eyebrows. He had no idea how Zedd could possibly know that there was something wrong with Cara. “She is a Mord’Sith.”  
  
“Well, naturally,” Zedd replied.  
  
“No, I mean only a Mord’Sith. It’s like the Cara that we know has completely gone.”  
  
Zedd nodded. It was all starting to make sense.  
  
“Richard,” he began. “Cara’s here.”  
  
“I know Zedd. We just arrived together. You just saw her.” Richard spoke slowly. Zedd’s faculties had clearly been damaged.  
  
“No, Richard,” Zedd said, grasping his shoulder and looking at him very seriously. “Cara has been here, with Kahlan and I, since we left.”  
  
Richard took a moment to process the words, his whole face contorting with the effort. Kahlan was clearly alive and Zedd did not seemed concerned about her.  
  
“So…if Cara’s been here…who’s been travelling with me?” he asked, slowly.  
  
“Also Cara!” Zedd announced. “I think she was split into two when I cast the spell. The side of her that has a duty to protect and obey you stayed behind, and her heart came with Kahlan. Neither of them are actually Cara…they’re two sides of the same coin.”  
  
“Her…heart?” Richard questioned. “So the Cara here…?”  
  
“Probably has to be seen to be believed,” Zedd said, inclining his head meaningfully. “Let’s go. She and Kahlan are taking an evening meal in the dining hall.”  
  
\---  
  
Servants placed plates containing generous slices of rich fig tart in front of Cara and Kahlan. They were seated at a banquet table that could easily take thirty people. Kahlan was at the head of the table, as was befitting of her station, with Cara to her right. She watched as Cara toyed with the dessert with her fork, without eating any of it. She’d barely touched her meal. Although Cara could endure days without food if necessary, she always ate when it was plentiful; a survival mentality.  
  
Since Cara’s nightmares began, she’d grown quiet, introspective. Her outburst the previous day had only intensified it. With each passing day, Kahlan grew more worried. At first Cara had seemed happy enough. But as time moved on, it was clear that more than just her Mord’Sith abilities had been affected. She was withdrawn and troubled. The nightmares had given Kahlan an insight into what was preying on her mind and she was concerned that it was going to engulf her if she let it go on much longer.  
  
Aside from any of that, Kahlan  _missed_  the Cara she knew. She just wanted that Cara back.  
  
“Would you like anything else, Mother Confessor?”  
  
Kahlan looked up, almost having forgotten anyone but Cara was in the room.  
  
“No, thank you. We’ll call if we need anything.”  
  
The servant nodded and turned to leave and Kahlan returned her attention to her dining companion. She sighed as Cara laid her fork down, her dessert untouched. Kahlan picked up her own fork and dug into her tart, taking a large bite.  
  
“It’s good,” she told Cara as she chewed. “You should try it.”  
  
“I’m not hungry,” Cara replied, giving Kahlan a small smile.  
  
“Neither am I, really,” Kahlan admitted, taking another mouthful. “And I really shouldn’t eat any more rich food or this dress isn’t going to fit me.”  
  
“Nonsense!” Cara scoffed. “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. A little more meat on your bones would only accentuate your beauty.”  
  
Kahlan laughed in wonder at the effusive praise.  
  
“So you’re saying you’d love me even if I was fat?” she teased.   
  
Cara reached up to brush some crumbs from the side of Kahlan’s mouth, cupping her cheek once she’d done so. She looked into Kahlan’s eyes, her face growing serious.  
  
“Kahlan, perhaps I haven’t said this to you often enough, but I love you to the ends of the earth and back again,” she said, her voice trembling with emotion. “No matter what.”  
  
Kahlan covered the hand on her face, leaning in to press her lips to Cara’s, her eyes brimming with tears at the simple, heartfelt declaration. They were so caught up in the kiss that neither of them noticed the door opening.  
  
“Get your hands off her!”  
  
Kahlan’s head whipped around at the sound of the rage-filled voice to find Cara, in full Mord’Sith regalia, advancing on them. The Cara whose hand she was still holding recoiled in fear and shock.  
  
Kahlan looked from one to the other and swiftly stood up, standing in front of Cara and holding her hands up in surrender. The other Cara stopped just short of ramming an agiel into Kahlan’s stomach. Her eyes were blazing and Kahlan felt her heart speed up at the sight of it. Tentatively she reached out a hand and placed it on Cara’s shoulder. She had expected the Mord’Sith to jerk away, what she had not expected was to have her hand whacked away by an agiel.  
  
“Cara…” Kahlan placed a hand around her injured wrist.  
  
“What are you doing with this impostor?” Cara demanded, baring her teeth at her counterpart. “She’s obviously tricked you into thinking she’s me.” She took a moment to take in what the other one was wearing, a simple pink dress. “Although apparently you are easily fooled. Her disguise could use a lot of work.”  
  
Kahlan felt movement behind her and Cara’s hands came to rest on her hips, she could feel the fear rolling off her and she wanted nothing more than to turn and pull her into her arms. But she felt like that might not go down well with the Cara who was currently brandishing two fully functioning agiels.  
  
The Mord’Sith moved closer, “Get out of the way, Kahlan and let me deal with her.”  
  
“You will not harm her,” Kahlan warned.  
  
“No? And who’s going to stop me, Mother Confessor?” Cara challenged. “You? You would confess someone you claim to love?”  
  
“I will not confess you,” Kahlan said making sure that her body was shielding the Cara behind her. “But I won’t let you touch her. ”  
  
The leather clad woman stepped forward and pressed her body against Kahlan. “Did  _you_  touch her, Kahlan?” Cara bit the confessor’s neck and dropped her voice. “Did you lay with her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear all night long? Is that what you want from your lover, Mother Confessor?”  
  
Kahlan was sandwiched between two Caras. There was no doubt in her mind that they both were Cara. Well, at least they both were, and weren’t, Cara. The Cara at her back whimpered in fear and the Cara in front of her stared at her with a frightening intensity. “You need to understand. She is you.”  
  
“She most certainly is not,” the leather clad woman snarled. “But you don’t need to worry about having betrayed me. When I am done with her I will remind you of what a real lover can do.” Cara had not let go of her agiels and as she stroked Kahlan’s cheek with the back of a gloved hand the confessor could hear the weapon whirring loudly.  
  
The Mord’Sith licked at Kahlan’s lip and the other Cara cried out in pain. Before Kahlan could stop it, the gentler Cara had flung herself at the aggressor screaming, “You will not touch her.”  
  
The fight was short lived. The battle ready Cara swept the legs out from under her counterpart and she fell to the ground with a thud. No version of Cara gives up easily and the downed Cara rose to her feet and attempted to wrestle an agiel away. When the weapon touched Cara’s bare flesh she howled in pain and crumbled to her knees.  
  
Tears were falling from her eyes as she turned to the confessor. “Kahlan what is wrong with me?”  
  
The other Cara also turned to Kahlan, “ _This_  is who you tried to replace me with?” She rolled her eyes and for a second she actually looked like the Cara that Kahlan knew and loved. That feeling was short lived because Cara’s next words were, “I will end her.”  
  
The Mord’Sith pressed her agiel to her double’s neck, causing her to scream. Immediately Kahlan tackled Cara away, sending them both sprawling across the floor. To Kahlan’s disbelief and horror Cara thrust an agiel into her stomach. Searing pain sliced through the Mother Confessor’s body and she could barely move. She was in no position to help the version of Cara who was again about to be under attack and fought back the only way she could.  
  
“Please don’t hurt her. I’ll do anything.”  
  
Cara turned and removed the agiel that was once again spreading black lines across the skin on her double’s neck. She left her adversary, but not before she kicked her in the head, and came to kneel at Kahlan’s side.  
  
“Define anything, my dear.”  
  
“Anything,” Kahlan confirmed solemnly.  
  
“Will you let me make you my mate?”  
  
Kahlan was aware of what was being asked of her, but as she heard the soft cries of the Cara who was not able to defend herself she knew she had no choice.  
  
“I will.”  
  
Cara straddled Kahlan and she closed her eyes, “Good choice. You will not regret it. Well not by the time I am done.”  
  
“Just promise me that you won’t hurt her.”  
  
“You are in no position to make demands, Confessor.” Cara highlighted her point by squeezing Kahlan’s breast. “She is a disgrace and she should not be allowed to live.”  
  
“Please just do this for me.”  
  
“As you wish Kahlan,” Cara leant down and kissed her. “We will have to leave here.”  
  
“Of course,” Kahlan replied.  
  
“I’m sorry to have to do this, but I can’t trust you not to alert the others.”  
  
Kahlan saw the agiel swing towards her head and the then the world went black.


	3. Chapter 3

When Richard and Zedd arrived at the dining hall, they were met with a scene of carnage. Chairs had been knocked over and food spilled. Zedd spotted a body lying off to the side of the table.  
  
“Cara!” The wizard pushed his grandson towards the prone woman, following as quickly as his older frame would allow.  
  
Richard skidded to his knees alongside her, taking a quick inventory of her injuries as he felt for a pulse at her neck, relieved to find a steady thudding beneath his fingers. He let out a breath as Zedd kneeled by her other side.  
  
“This is  _your_  Cara, I take it?” He didn’t really require an answer; the pink dress was evidence enough. He reached down and ripped a strip of cloth from the hem of the dress to try to stop the flow of blood from a worrying cut at Cara’s hairline.  
  
“Where’s  _your_  Cara?” Zedd asked, scanning the room. “And where’s Kahlan?”  
  
Richard’s head snapped up. The sound of Kahlan’s name seemed to rouse Cara from her state of unconsciousness and she let out a soft moan, drawing both men’s attention back to her.  
  
“Kahlan,” she mumbled. Her eyes snapped open and she tried to sit up, prevented from doing so by two strong hands on her shoulders.  
  
“Hey, stay down for a sec,” Richard tried to keep his voice soothing.  
  
Cara struggled against his hold. “No, she took Kahlan. I have to…”  
  
Richard and Zedd looked at each other, the panic on Richard’s face was stark and Zedd suddenly was very uneasy about this other version of Cara. They helped Cara to sit up, Richard still applying pressure to her head wound. Cara pushed his hand away and grabbed his shirt, pulling him towards her.  
  
“She. Took. Kahlan.” Understanding passed between them about the severity of this situation.  
  
“Then we need to get her back. We need to get both of them back and fix this.”  
  
He stood and helped Cara to get to her feet, marvelling slightly at the fact that she allowed him to do so. Once steady, she grasped his arm and turned to him with wide, frightened eyes.  
  
“She’s got Kahlan. She’s going to hurt her and it’s my fault.”  
  
Tears started forming in Cara’s eyes and before Richard got over his shock at the sight of them, they’d spilled over. Zedd nudged Richard aside, wrapping an arm around Cara’s shoulders and pulling her into a hug. Richard gaped at the spectacle. Zedd had been right; it really did need to be seen to be believed. He stood by, a little unsure of what to do.  
  
Cara lifted her face from Zedd’s shoulder and looked up at him.  
  
“Who  _was_  that?”  
  
Zedd glanced at Richard and then back to Cara, his heart heavy with what he had to tell her.  
  
“She’s you.”  
  
She shook her head.  
  
“No. No. She hit Kahlan…she  _hurt_  Kahlan. I could never…”  
  
The suggestion that she might have been the cause of Kahlan being in pain caused a fresh onslaught of tears.  
  
Richard moved forward and rubbed her arm in an attempt to be comforting. The awkwardness of his week with Cara melting away in the face of  _this_  Cara’s obvious distress.  
  
“Hey. It wasn’t  _you_ …exactly.” Cara looked at him in confusion and he shrugged. “Zedd, you wanna explain?”  
  
“You remember when we arrived here and found that the amulet had broken in two?” he began, waiting for her to nod her confirmation. “Well, I don’t think it was the only thing to split in two. You also did.”  
  
“That’s…preposterous. And if I split into two, then which is the real me?”  
  
“Neither of you,” Richard interjected. “Together you’re the real you, apart you’re two opposing sides of your personality.”  
  
“So part of me takes pleasure in hurting Kahlan?” Cara asked, her voice small.  
  
“From what Richard has told me, it sounds like the other Cara is pure Mord’Sith. You, on the other hand, are the emotion that tempers the Mord’Sith, the part that loves Kahlan and would do anything to protect her.”  
  
Zedd’s words seemed only to devastate Cara further.  
  
“And in that I have failed. I’ve failed  _her_.”  
  
Her head dropped in shame and Richard looked to Zedd for help. He had none to give. Richard tentatively reached out and cupped Cara’s chin, bringing her eyes up to meet his.  
  
“You haven’t failed anybody. You and me and Zedd are going to go and find them and put everything back the way it should be, okay?” He was nodding his head to try to get her to do the same. “We’re going to need you to tell us how the other Cara would think right now. Where would she take Kahlan? What would she do?”  
  
Richard felt his insides turn cold as Cara’s face slowly became a mask of horror.  
  
“She’s going to break her.” The words were spoken with absolute certainty. “She’s going to make her her mate.”  
  
“Spirits.” Zedd was unable to stop the exhalation from leaving his lips.  
  
Richard tried to push his emotions down, to quell the panic and fear that rose in his chest at the thought of what  _that_  Cara might do to Kahlan. He had experience of being broken by Denna’s hand, but he had no doubt that Cara without her humanity was a more terrifying mistress. But he couldn’t think about that, he had to take charge. He had to be the one to stop this. He had to be Lord Rahl. .  
  
He grasped Cara firmly by the shoulders and made her look at him.  
  
“Go and change your clothes and arm yourself, I’m going to need you ready to fight.”  
  
She looked at him for a moment, as if dazed. She blinked and it was gone and a little of Cara shone in her eyes. She nodded and quickly left the room. Richard turned to Zedd.  
  
“We need to move quickly, I saw what Cara was capable of these past few days and she can’t be left alone with Kahlan for long,” he confided. “When we find them, can you fix this?”  
  
The old man nodded. “If I have both halves of the amulet, it’s a simple spell of joining.” He reached into the pouch on his belt, producing one half. “You  _do_  have the other piece, don’t you?”  
  
Richard frowned. “No…Cara does.”   
  
Zedd closed his eyes. “Then we need to get it back from her.”  
  
That was going to be far from an easy task, Richard thought. And they had to find her first. He looked up as Cara came back into the room, dressed in her familiar Mord’Sith leather. He noticed that her holsters weren’t holding her agiels, but Kahlan’s daggers. Again, he tried not to think of the implications of an unarmed Kahlan left alone with the already formidable Cara.  
  
“Let’s go,” Cara said. “She won’t waste time by travelling further than necessary. So we’re looking for a building that would allow for…”  
  
She trailed off, unwilling to say what the requirements of the building were. Richard nodded in understanding. They were looking for somewhere that would be conducive to extended torture.  
  
“Farms, abandoned outhouses….that kind of thing.” He turned to Zedd. “You know this place better than either of us, can you think of anywhere nearby?”  
  
“They wouldn’t have to be abandoned,” Cara mumbled.  
  
Richard really wished that she would stop making him think about what might be happening. He knew that the other Cara would have no qualms about killing anyone that might be in her way, but it didn’t help his focus to picture it in his head.  
  
“You’re right, we should go now,” Richard said, tugging on Cara’s arm. “We need to take advantage of the fact that she’s not familiar with Aydindril.”  
  
Zedd put a firm hand on his shoulder. “There is no sense in running around in the dark like headless chickens, my boy.”  
  
Richard turned to him, aghast. “You want us to leave Kahlan alone with…” It felt ridiculous for him to end that sentence with ‘Cara’ so he left it unsaid.  
  
“Will it do Kahlan any good for the two of you to rush off in the wrong direction and put even more time and space between you?” Zedd countered. “Cara, was Kahlan conscious when they left?”  
  
Cara shrugged helplessly, tears forming in her eyes again. “I don’t know. I doubt she’d have kept her conscious in case she relayed some signal to a guard.”  
  
Richard found himself longing for the Cara he knew. The Cara who would know exactly what to do in this situation. Zedd nodded.  
  
“Then we can assume that someone noticed a Mord’Sith with an unconscious Mother Confessor over her shoulder.”  
  
“If they did, it was probably the last thing they noticed,” Richard said. “Zedd, she’s not stupid, she’s  _Cara_. Time and your knowledge of the area are all that we have on our side right now.”  
  
“As you say, she’s not stupid, far from it,” Zedd agreed. “Which is why it would be foolish to even attempt to track her in the dark and with no strategy or understanding of what we might be facing.”  
  
All of Richard’s instincts told him to protest, to insist that they go after Kahlan immediately. But he knew that Zedd was right. Cara wouldn’t make it easy on them and following a wrong trail would put Kahlan in further danger. He prayed that Cara would spend most of the night looking for an appropriate place to stop and that Kahlan’s suffering would be delayed. He came to a decision.  
  
“We set off at first light. Zedd, I’ll need maps, descriptions of the surrounding terrain. See if I can figure out the route she’d take.”  
  
“The library has everything that you need.” The wizard told him.  
  
“You can make a tour of the palace, see if anybody saw anything…or if there’s any evidence of which way she went.” Richard continued, trusting that his grandfather knew enough people in Aydindril to make the most pertinent enquiries.  
  
Zedd nodded, already on the move. “I’ll meet you back here.” He knew none of them would be sleeping that night.  
  
“What about me?”  
  
Richard turned to look at Cara and found her staring up at him, waiting to be told what to do, needing guidance. She looked very young in that moment and an overwhelming urge to protect her swelled in his chest.  
  
“Cara, you don’t have to do anything, you were hurt and I know you’re worried.”  
  
Her face grew more pained.  
  
“Give me an occupation, Lord Rahl, or I shall run mad.”  
  
The use of his title sounded foreign coming from her lips. She hadn’t called him that since his arrival. But though this Cara wasn’t a Mord’Sith, she had still undergone the training as a child and in times of stress it seemed she fell back to the familiar. He also understood her need to  _do_  something. He had been surprised when she hadn’t insisted that they leave straight away as he had been about to. Perhaps she had the same thoughts as him; that Cara would take at least until morning to prepare for her activities.  
  
“Go to the stables, have horses readied for the morning…the best they have. And have the kitchens prepare some provisions for us to take so that we don’t have to stop.”  
  
Had she been herself, Cara might have sniffed at the triviality of the task. But she did as she was told. Richard watched her go, lost in his thoughts for a moment before he shook himself and set about his own endeavour.  
  
\---  
  
Some hours later, Cara still hadn’t returned. Zedd had come back with little to report; no-one had seen or heard anything out of the ordinary. The wizard had returned to the books he’d been examining all week for anything that might help them now that the true nature of the problem had come to light and the two had worked in silence.  
  
Richard’s eyes had begun to ache from poring over the detailed maps and he could no longer ignore the worrying niggle at the back of his mind that Cara had taken off into the night after her doppelganger. It’s what the Cara he knew would do. He pushed his chair back and stood, drawing Zedd’s attention.  
  
“I’m going to find Cara.”  
  
His grandfather nodded and Richard wondered if the same thought had crossed his mind too. It wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility. Cara had been known to risk life and limb to ensure the safety of the others in the group. And this was _Kahlan_. Richard quickly made his way through the palace. Cara was nowhere in sight. He headed to the stables and as soon as he stepped in, he saw her slumped against the wall.  
  
He let out a breath of relief until he noticed that she was holding one of Kahlan’s daggers in her right hand. Her left sleeve was rolled up and she was pressing the blade against the sensitive flesh on the inside of her arm. He could see several incisions, blood running from each of them. His body was frozen in something resembling horror, or fear.  
  
Fresh blood oozed out from under the blade as skin gave way to metal. Richard watched as Cara lifted the dagger an inch further up her arm to repeat the action and this spurred him into movement.  
  
“Cara!” he barked.  
  
She jumped at the unexpected noise, causing the blade to cut deeper than she’d intended. He moved to where she sat, taking the knife out of her hand and reaching for a clean rag and pressing it against her wounds to stop the bleeding. She didn’t try to stop him; she didn’t try to do anything. She just stared at him, blankly. He wrapped the rag roughly around her arm until it could be dressed properly.  
  
“What did you think you were  _doing_?” He scolded, like he was talking to a naughty child.  
  
“I wanted it to stop hurting.”  
  
“So you were trying to cut your arm off?” he challenged.  
  
“Here.” She placed a hand on her chest. “It hurts so much here. I wanted it to stop. I needed something to make it stop. But it’s not the same.”  
  
“The same as what?” he whispered, though he was beginning to realise what she was looking for.  
  
“My agiels…they don’t work. I…they help me to…”  
  
He closed his eyes against the sadness in her voice, not sure he could bear to see it on her face. He pulled air into his lungs through his nose and forced himself to look at her. A single tear was making its way down her cheek. All he could do was nod. He understood, as far as anyone who was not Mord’Sith  _could_  understand. She had been raised to destroy any kind of weakness within herself; pain was how she dealt with such things. The pain of her agiels centred her and allowed her to process her feelings. Now, without the pain, and bombarded with so  _many_  emotions, she was at their mercy. He didn’t know how to help her, but he had to try to appeal to something she’d understand.  
  
“Cara, I know this is hard,” he said, holding her gaze steadily. “But I need you to help me. I can’t have you bleeding half to death and ending up too weak to fight.  _Kahlan_  needs you.”  
  
This brought on a fresh wave of tears. Richard still found it disconcerting to see Cara cry.  
  
“I know…I didn’t mean to cut so deep,” she admitted. “But it didn’t work, it wasn’t the same…so I kept going.”  
  
“I know, it’s okay, Cara,” he soothed, trying not to sound like he was patronising her. “If you feel like you need this again, please talk to me.”  
  
He didn’t want it escalating into something worse. He lifted the rag to check the wounds; the bleeding had mostly stopped but he reapplied the pressure anyway.   
  
“We’ll get Zedd to heal you.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Why not?” Richard asked, resisting the urge to sigh.  
  
“Because this little hurt is nothing compared to what Kahlan will endure,” she explained, her hand twitching at her side as she spoke. “And I deserve much more pain than this. The wizard can conserve his strength for when it is needed. And it will be needed.”   
  
She inclined her head to the far end of the stable.   
  
Richard turned to follow her gaze and saw that she was looking at the body of a man. He was well dressed and looked to be of noble descent. And his neck was broken. He turned back to Cara.  
  
“Do you know him?”  
  
“It’s Prince Fyren. He’s the one who was using the seal of Aydindril. The Lord High Regent.”  
  
Richard’s brow creased in confusion.  
  
“Then why is he in the stable and not in prison?”  
  
“Kah…Kahlan confessed him.” Her voice faltered on Kahlan’s name. “He must’ve died trying to help her…to save her.  _I_ should’ve died saving her.”  
  
A chill passed through his body as his concerns took form in her own words and he pressed harder against the flesh of her arm. With his free hand, he pulled her chin around so that she was finally looking at him. “And how would that have helped Kahlan? Tell me, do you think that knowing you’d died trying to save her would bring her comfort?”  
  
She didn’t speak, just stared at him, her chin trembling in his grip.  
  
“I know how hard this is for you, Cara, believe me, I know,” he continued. “But Kahlan  _loves_  you. She wouldn’t want you to die, no matter how honourably, she wants you alive and with her.  _That’s_  how you can help Kahlan. No matter what happens to her, or to you, that you end up together is the most important thing.”  
  
Her eyes held his, searching them for something.  
  
“You’re still in love with her.”  
  
He’d heard those words once already that week. They came from the same mouth and the same face, but somehow they were different. There was no accusation behind them; no threat of dismemberment if he responded wrongly.  
  
“Yes. I am.” The truth had passed his lips before he had time to stop and think.  
  
She nodded as if she’d expected that answer. “I can’t imagine ever not being in love with her. I’m sorry.”  
  
He tried to smile as best he could. “No need for apologies, Cara. We can’t choose who we fall in love with. Being with you makes Kahlan happier than I’ve ever known her to be. I wouldn’t deny her that for all the world.”  
  
“You are a good man, Richard,” Cara said. “I don’t know that I could be as noble in your place.”  
  
“Cara,” he began, with a soft laugh. “From the way Kahlan tells it, she almost had to beat a confession of even mild affection out of you  _because_  you were so concerned with your duty to me. When it comes to nobility and self-sacrifice, I think you do okay.”  
  
She didn’t laugh, or even smile. She merely nodded in a way that made Richard wish he hadn’t used that particular turn of phrase. He was about to continue when she spoke instead.  
  
“We should get ready to leave; the sun will be up soon.”  
  
\---  
  
They rode out at first light. Richard had ascertained from the stable boy that only one horse was missing. This heartened him a little; sharing a horse meant that progress would be significantly slower than it might’ve been with two separate steeds. It was impossible to distinguish hoofprints around the stables and the steady flow of traffic in and out of Aydindril meant that they’d have to rely on picking up the trail once the country opened up a little. Having examined maps and books on the surroundings, Richard had identified a few options for Cara’s route. He believed that Cara was astute enough not to throw herself out into the night and into the complete unknown. For that reason, he had to trust that she would initially travel in the same direction they’d followed on their journey to Aydindril. She knew where the pockets of habitation were on that route and would be able to avoid them, she knew the terrain. They would take that route and try to identify where she had deviated from it.   
  
Richard was a skilled tracker and Cara knew this. So it was likely that she’d try to throw him off the trail. He’d have to be on the lookout for decoy trails and misdirection. He sent up a silent prayer to the Creator that he wouldn’t take them off in the wrong direction. Kahlan didn’t have the luxury of time.  
  
They rode hard, in silence, until the road narrowed. Richard slowed his horse to a walk, looking for anything that might indicate a horse carrying two riders had passed this way. His keen eyes picked out relatively fresh prints that were deeper than the majority of the others. But the road was still frequented enough to make the trail nearly impossible to follow. He had to go with his instincts and they were telling him to continue on this path for now. There was a village not too far ahead. They could stop there and see if one of the villagers had seen or heard anything out of the ordinary during the night.  
  
“This way,” he instructed, keeping the horse at a slow trot so to keep an eye on the ground. Cara brought her horse alongside his.  
  
“When we find them, I want you to let me kill her.”  
  
He looked over at her; she was facing straight ahead, determined. Zedd was a little further behind them.   
  
“I…didn’t plan to kill her.” Although he hadn’t exactly formulated a complete plan of what would happen when they found Cara and Kahlan, killing definitely hadn’t entered his thoughts. Cara’s eyes swung to meet his, the depth of sorrow in them almost made him physically ache.  
  
“That’s the only way to end what she’s begun. She won’t give up…she wants Kahlan as her mate and she’ll fight to the death to keep her.”  
  
“I’ve fought Mord’Sith before, Cara. I was nearly broken by one. I can take her,” Richard assured her.  
  
“If you were able to turn on Denna, then she’d gone easy on you. If it had been me breaking you, you’d have killed Kahlan; true love or no true love.”  
  
It was strange, Richard thought, how this Cara could make those words sound heartbreaking rather than horrifying. She pinned him with her gaze, willing him to take her seriously.  
  
“ _That_  is who is holding Kahlan right now. Killing her is the only way.”  
  
Richard shook his head. “No. We’ll find another way. We’ll restrain her until Zedd can fix things.”  
  
Cara huffed a frustrated sigh. “ _Fix_  things. You keep talking about  _fixing_  things. How do you propose to do that?”  
  
He frowned, surely she understood what they meant to do? “Zedd’s going to put you back together.”   
  
He turned back and gestured to his grandfather to catch up with them. Cara jerked the reins reflexively, causing her horse to whinny in protest. Richard drew his horse to a halt to find her looking at him like he’d gone mad. Zedd’s horse came to stand by Cara’s and he looked between his younger companions.  
  
“Put me back together with that…that  _monster_?” she demanded, shaking her head vehemently as she spoke. “No. I don’t want any part of her in me. I don’t want any part of her near Kahlan. The world would be better off without her in it.”  
  
Richard hesitated. A tiny part of him wanted to agree. But he’d seen enough of  _this_  Cara to know that, while she may not be violent or destructive like the other one, she wasn’t a full person either. She was devoid of her sharp, tactical mind and her defences – both physical and emotional.   
  
“Child, I can’t imagine how this makes you feel,” Zedd put in. “But to get the Cara who belongs in this world back, we need to join the two of you together. You were never supposed to exist and neither was she. You are not people. You are the products of a spell gone wrong. We need to make that right because the world needs its Cara just as much as it needs its Kahlan and its Richard and, dare I say it, even its Zedd.”  
  
Cara lifted her head, looking down her nose at both of them. For a brief moment, Richard imagined that she might make a sarcastic remark about Zedd’s speech, as the real Cara would have. But she didn’t.  
  
“If she’s part of the ‘real’ Cara then perhaps it would be better if she were not brought back at all.”  
  
“You don’t mean that,” Zedd countered. “The Cara I know would put her life on the line for any of us without a second’s thought…but she would not throw it away needlessly.”  
  
Richard’s jaw clenched as his frustration at the whole situation grew.  
  
“Zedd! Cara! We don’t have time to debate this right now,” he said, kneeing his horse back into motion. “When we find them, we can decide what the best course of action is.”  
  
Cara’s face drained of colour as she realised that she’d stalled their search, however briefly. She followed Richard’s lead without further interruption. Only this time, she had Zedd’s worried eyes upon her as well as Richard’s.  
  
\---  
  
The first thing Kahlan noticed was a pounding headache. The next was the fact that she was suspended from her wrists and she felt as though her arms where going to come out of their sockets. She tried to take in her surroundings and realised that the room was cold and full of hay. Finally she noticed that she was naked. The last discovery probably should have occurred sooner. Kahlan blamed her head injury.  
  
“Welcome back,” Cara said as she approached Kahlan and ran a finger down the centre of her chest. “This is not the ideal setting but it will have to suffice until I find us somewhere more suitable.”  
  
“Where do you plan on taking me?”  
  
“You should have the privilege of being broken in a proper Mord’Sith facility.”  
  
“Would you even be welcome in such a place?” Kahlan didn’t like how harsh she sounded but Cara wasn’t the one dangling above the ground and this wasn’t the time for niceties.  
  
“I’m sure with time I will be able to convince them of my loyalty, and if not I will kill all those who doubt me.”  
  
The thought of blood on her hands, even if it was Mord’Sith blood, did not sit well with Kahlan and she tried not to think about it.  
  
“Where are we?”  
  
Cara smirked, “Do you really think I would tell you?”  
  
“It was worth a try.”  
  
Cara pulled at Kahlan’s hair, “I like your spirit.”  
  
Eyes scrutinised Kahlan’s body and she felt as though she was an animal being prepared for slaughter.  
  
The Mord’Sith stood on her toes and pulled Kahlan’s head down in order to kiss her lips. “I fear that this will hurt you more than most. I’ve not tried to break anyone this way but I am certain that you are strong enough to survive.”  
  
“Why aren’t you using your normal tactics?” It was ridiculous but Kahlan was actually worried about Cara using an unpractised technique on her. It was one thing to have to face being broken. It was another thing entirely to think that Cara may not know what she was doing.  
  
“I suspect this will need to be longer and more painful.”  
  
“Why?” Kahlan didn’t really want to know the answer to these questions but she couldn’t seem to stop herself from asking.  
  
“I can not risk you dying.”  
  
“There is no reason to think I would be resistant to your breath of life.” The head injury was clearly affecting her judgement because no sane person would have said that to Cara.  
  
“I do not doubt my skills. I worry only about the prophecy.”  
  
“Sorry?”  
  
“The success of Lord Rahl may depend on keeping your heart beating.”  
  
“My heart is also meant to be pure. Will it be that if you break me?”  
  
Cara’s face turned to stone. “Confessor, you didn’t care for the purity of your heart when you spread your legs for me. Don’t pretend it matters now.”  
  
Kahlan knew this wasn’t her Cara talking but it still pained her to hear Cara say those words. It was not just having Cara talk about their relationship so crudely, it was the thought that maybe the real Cara also worries that she is damaging Kahlan by being with her.  
  
“If you are so concerned with prophecy, shouldn’t you be helping Richard instead of abandoning him?”  
  
“It is unfortunate that I can not assist him on this quest but I am certain that what we do here will help him to rule.”  
  
“You think beating love and compassion out of me will help the people?”  
  
“I think it will make you stronger and keep you safe.”  
  
“I can take care of myself.”  
  
“You are trusting and take too many risks,” Cara scoffed.  
  
“You don’t need to worry about me. I can look after myself.”  
  
“When I am done we will be sure of that and of your loyalty.”  
  
“Cara I would never hurt you.”  
  
“You think you’re important enough to hurt me?”  
  
Kahlan felt the back of hand strike her face and tears burned in her eyes.  
  
“You wouldn’t be doing this if I weren’t important.” Kahlan glared at Cara defiantly.  
  
The response she received was an agiel to her chest. Cara didn’t yield and she looked into Kahlan’s eyes as she held the weapon firmly against her flesh. Kahlan did her best to hold Cara’s gaze but in the end the pain was too much and she closed her eyes and dropped her head.  
  
“That’s better,” Cara stated and kissed the burn on Kahlan’s chest. “Now it’s time for us to begin.”  
  
\---  
  
Before they reached the village, it was clear something was wrong. The heavy smell of smoke hung in the air, and not from a campfire. Richard risked a glance at his travelling companions before kicking his horse and urging it into a gallop. They arrived to a scene of destruction. Smoke rose from the remains of buildings, livestock lay in the ruins, dead or dying, people walked around with faces blackened by soot and dust. Richard quickly dismounted and grabbed hold of the nearest person.  
  
“What happened here?” he asked, though he was afraid of the answer.  
  
The man looked ready to drop from fatigue and grief. He raised his eyes to Richard’s though he didn’t seem to be looking at him, he shook his head. “A woman…a Mord’Sith…she…”  
  
He went no further because a bloodcurdling screech came from behind Richard and he turned just in time to see Cara pushed from her horse by a young man; his eyes blazing with unrestrained hatred as he leapt at her.  
  
“No! Cara!” Richard yelled, unsheathing the Sword of Truth, ready to protect his friend.  
  
Cara rolled with the momentum, her movements borne of instinct and years of training and nothing to do with conscious thought. Richard watched, unable to speak or move, as her hand drew Kahlan’s dagger from her belt and buried it to the hilt in the young man’s gut. Their eyes met, both wide from shock. Richard’s paralysis lifted and he stumbled forward just as Cara withdrew the dagger, pressing her hands over the wound to stem the flow of blood.  
  
“No. No. No.” Cara repeated over and over as Richard arrived next to her on his knees. “I…I didn’t mean to…”  
  
“You…beast…” Her victim spat, weakly pushing at her hands.  
  
The villagers had gathered around them. Zedd dismounted and held his hand up to the assembled crowd in an unspoken threat.  
  
“Stay back…I know what this must look like, but this is not the woman who attacked your village.”  
  
A healer pushed through the crowd, along with another woman who Richard surmised was the wounded man’s mother. He gently took Cara’s elbow and pulled her away to let them take over his care. They stood, Richard moving slightly in front of Cara, his sword still in his hand, but held loosely by his side.  
  
“Stay out of this, Wizard!” A voice shouted. “Don’t try to defend her.” More voices joined in. “The blood on her hands is still wet.” “She’s a killer!”   
  
Cara lifted her hands and looked down at the; the blood already beginning to dry and flake where her joints bent. Richard shook his head at the people clearly bent on revenge.  
  
“The Mord’Sith who did this to your village was not this woman. I know it looks like her, but she’s been with me the whole time. We are tracking your attacker to stop her and when we do, you will have your justice…she will be no more, I swear it.”  
  
“Seeker, we saw her with our own eyes,” an older man interrupted. He pointed at Cara. “It was her. She was discovered hefting the bodies of two of our village’s finest sons onto a horse and she set the stables on fire to make her escape. There’s no question. I’m an elder of this village ”  
  
Richard opened his mouth to protest again, but Cara stepped in front of him, her hands held up in surrender.  
  
“Kill me. Take your revenge. I won’t stop you.”  
  
“ _We_  will stop them,” Zedd countered and Richard moved alongside him to shield Cara, in case anybody took her up on her offer.  
  
A confused murmur went up around the crowd as they whispered to each other, trying to figure out what trickery the Mord’Sith was using on them. Cara pushed past Richard, sending him a look of apology. She walked to the largest man she could see and handed him a dagger.  
  
“Do it.”  
  
Again, Richard sprang into action, although the man did not look as if he were about to do anything of the sort. He took the dagger back and pushed Cara away, back towards Zedd. He didn’t have time for this. Keeping hold of the back of Cara’s leathers in case she threw herself at the crowd again, he returned to the elder.  
  
“You said she had two bodies on a horse? Were they left behind when she fled?” he asked.   
  
The man shook his head. “She took the horse, with the…bodies.” Someone in the mob started to cry quietly.  
  
Richard turned to Zedd, lowering his voice. “She’s setting up a decoy trail…I would’ve expected as much. I also expect that she tor-…extracted some information from the men before she killed them about which way to go.”  
  
“Yes,” Zedd agreed. “And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if she left this place in such a state to distract you from your pursuit. She’s commented more than once on your kind heart and inability to refuse people help.”  
  
Cara sighed. “None of this is helping us to find Kahlan. If you’re not going to let them kill me, then let’s be on our way. Now we have two trails to follow. We should move.”  
  
“We will, but we should at least arm ourselves with the same information she got,” he replied, once again approaching the elder. “Sir, is there anywhere nearby that would serve as a…as somewhere to hold someone prisoner?”  
  
“There are some old farms to the west,” he said. “Empty for years but the buildings are sound.”  
  
Richard nodded. “Nothing else within a day’s ride?”  
  
“Nothing that would fit your description,” the old man answered. “Please…I don’t understand what is happening here, but please…avenge our loss.”   
  
“You’re just letting them walk away?” All heads turned to the new entrant to the conversation. A tall, strong looking man moved through the crowd to challenge the old man. “My brother is murdered by someone wearing  _her_  face and you just believe their story? David lies bleeding at her hand on the ground in front of you and she’s free to go.”  
  
“Peter,” the elder said, placing a hand on the angry young man’s shoulder. “I understand your grief, but we have to trust in the Seeker. And you saw the Mord’Sith offer up her life. Can it really be the same woman who terrorised us in the night?”  
  
“Are we willing to take that risk?” Peter asked, shrugging out of the elder’s grasp.   
  
“We don’t have time for this,” Richard said. “I’m truly sorry for your loss. And I promise we will come back and help you in any way we can to get your lives back together. But now we have to go.”  
  
They backed away, the crowd splitting to let them pass. As they reached their horses, Peter lunged forward and threw himself at Cara with a strangled cry. His move was clumsy and she easily deflected the blow, using his weight to throw him off balance. He held onto her and they fell together to the ground. Richard raised the hilt of his sword to hit Peter on the back of the head and knock him out, but before he could do so, a flash of metal caught his eye and Cara’s eyes bulged. Richard brought his sword down, hard, and Peter slumped down, unconscious. Richard bent and rolled his dead weight off Cara and saw a crude carpenter’s knife sticking out of her abdomen.   
  
“Cara…it’s…it’s okay, it’s not too bad.” Richard had no idea how bad it was because the wound was hidden by leather and blood. Thankfully Peter’s untrained thrust looked like it had gone into Cara’s side and not directly into anything vital. She nodded at him, jaw set. She looked like Cara again for a second as she struggled to bring the pain under her control.  
  
Zedd was on his knees at the other side of her with their supply bag, and the village elder had also come over. Richard clenched his teeth and, as gently as he could, removed the knife, drawing a whimper from Cara. He staunched flow of blood from the wound with a bandage that Zedd handed him. Richard looked at his grandfather.  
  
“You need to heal her.”  
  
Zedd nodded but Cara surprised everyone by sitting up and shoving Richard’s hands away. “No.” She bit the word out with a grimace as she pressed the bandage against her own wound. “We don’t have time. We’ve already lost too much ground.”  
  
“Cara…” Richard and Zedd said her name at the same time but she was already pushing herself to her feet using Richard’s shoulder as leverage. He stood and took her elbow to steady her.  
  
“Cara, whether or not I heal you, that wound needs to be treated,” Zedd tried again, taking a little longer to stand up than the others.  
  
“No. We  _need_  to get to Kahlan. I’m fine.” She glanced at Zedd. “Give me another bandage and we can go.”  
  
Richard watched as she made a makeshift pad out of the bandage and stuffed it through the tear in her leathers, covering the wound. He shook his head. “Cara, you’ll bleed to death before we find Kahlan if that isn’t stitched.”  
  
“All the more incentive to move quickly then,” she replied, hoisting herself onto her horse. The motion obviously caused her more pain that she expected because she doubled over, her arm wrapped around herself. Richard moved to stand by her, his hand going to her thigh.  
  
“Cara, please.”  
  
She looked down at him, her face already clammy and pale from pain. “Richard. Kahlan needs help far more than I do. I know you understand how I feel.”   
  
He searched her eyes for a moment and knew she was right. If he were injured, he would carry on. Nothing would stop him from getting to Kahlan. He didn’t like it, not one bit. But if this Cara had even half of the stubbornness of the Cara he knew, he was fighting a losing battle. He nodded his head once. She brought a hand down to cover his where it lay on her leg.  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
He sighed. “Let’s go.”  
  
Zedd sent him a questioning look and he waved him off as they both mounted their horses. Richard moved to take the lead. He’d made his mind up to find the trail so that they at least could be sure they were on the right track and  _then_  to insist on Cara letting Zedd heal her. He’d hold her down himself if necessary. He understood her need to get to Kahlan and he knew he’d be the same in her position. But he wasn’t in her position. He was the leader and one of his people was injured. He needed all of them at full strength if they were to have any hope of rescuing Kahlan.  
  
He didn’t allow himself to acknowledge that this was perhaps an escalation of Cara needing to feel pain in order to block out the emotional hurt of the situation. Her blasé offer to allow the villagers to kill her worried him more than he wanted to admit.   
  
\---  
  
Kahlan was not sure how long she hung there, time seemed to stop. There was no sensation of hunger, no awareness of the moving of the sun, there was nothing but the agiel and the pain it brought. She tried to escape in her mind but there was nowhere to go. It was impossible to conjure images of happiness when the person she usually associated with joy was the same person holding the agiel.  
  
When Cara started, Kahlan was determined not to give her the satisfaction of seeing her pain. She bit into her lip and swallowed the blood that trickled into her mouth and swore that she would not scream. She didn’t know when she started screaming but she was certain that she would never stop. She had no sense of her body any more. No certainty of where the agiel was being placed because all that she was and all that she felt was pain.  
  
At some point Cara seemed to decide that her work for the day was complete. She wrapped a hand in Kahlan’s hair and yanked her head up. Kahlan opened her eyes but could see nothing but Cara. Cara’s voice was distant as she told Kahlan that she had done well and thrust an agiel into either side of Kahlan’s neck.  
  
Kahlan did not remember the pain stopping or the scream ending but it must have because she found herself lying in the hay with arms tied to stakes in the ground.  
  
She opened her eyes and Cara wiped water across her swollen lips. “I was concerned that I had made a mistake and that you would never wake up. It seems I was wrong to doubt you.” Cara was actually smiling and her words were soft.  
  
“I don’t think I’m as happy about that as you are,” Kahlan croaked.  
  
“Try not to talk too much. You might lose your voice altogether.”  
  
Kahlan almost thought that Cara sounded caring but then she wondered if Cara just wanted her to protect her voice so the Mord’Sith would find the next bout of screaming more enjoyable.  
  
“Hungry,” she said. She wanted to rob Cara of the joy of hearing her scream but her throat was too raw to say anything else.  
  
Cara took a handful of berries and squeezed the juice into Kahlan’s mouth. “This will be easier than trying to eat.”  
  
She wanted to reject Cara’s pitiful offer but she was starving and when the drops stopped falling from Cara’s hand, Kahlan lapped the remaining juice off the leather like a dog.  
  
“Easy now. I won’t have to hurt you so much tomorrow if your strength is less.”  
  
“But I‘m starving, I want more.”  
  
“I will decide what you want, not you.”  
  
Again Cara backhanded her across the face. Kahlan felt a tear slide from her eye which made no sense. She had endured the agiels, a small hit should mean nothing to her. Cara wiped away the tear and chided softly, “Don’t misbehave. I don’t want to have to hit you.”  
  
“You have done nothing but hurt me,” came Kahlan’s raspy response.  
  
“Because that was necessary. That is not what your resting period is for.”  
  
“What? So I should be quiet and sleep until you are ready to beat me again?”  
  
Cara laughed heartily. “I will let you sleep but there are a few other things we need to attend to first.”  
  
Kahlan felt Cara’s gloved fingers pinch at her nipple. “You cannot expect me to lie with you after what you have done.”  
  
Before she had a chance to think about how Cara might respond to her words, Kahlan screamed in agony as an agiel assaulted the sensitive folds between her legs. She thought she had experienced pain during the earlier session with Cara but she was wrong. What she endured earlier was minor in comparison. After what seemed an eternity Cara removed the agiel and waved it in front of Kahlan’s face.  
  
“You need to remember who is in charge here because next time I will push this inside you and you will beg me to kill you.”  
  
Kahlan already want to die. She whimpered and tried to clamp her legs together.  
  
“There’s no need for that,” Cara admonished. She pushed Kahlan’s legs apart and then nestled between them.  
  
The first touch of Cara’s tongue felt like fire and Kahlan tried to move away. Cara grabbed hold of Kahlan’s hip and held her in place. Kahlan closed her eyes and braced herself for the pain. To her surprise the next pass of Cara’s tongue was not as unpleasant and the licks actually started to ease her pain.  
  
She lay back and felt her body relax as Cara’s mouth worked like a healing balm. It wasn’t long before the motions changed from soothing to stimulating and to Kahlan’s surprise she found herself become aroused.  
  
Her hips bucked and Cara took this as a signal to plunge her tongue into Kahlan. As Cara’s tongue moved in and out she moved her fingers over Kahlan’s sensitive flesh.  
  
Kahlan began to squirm under Cara’s touch and Cara raised her head and her eyebrows, “What?”  
  
“I want you to kiss me,” Kahlan admitted.  
  
“I think you’ll find I already was.”  
  
“No, up here.”  
  
Cara crawled up Kahlan’s body and kissed her deeply. Kahlan returned the kiss and tried not to think about what she was doing. This may not be her Cara but she looked and smelt like the real thing and Kahlan’s body seemed unable to resist.  
  
The kiss continued and Cara pushed two fingers inside of Kahlan. The sensation of the leather was different from what she was used to but Kahlan felt a perverse sense of pleasure as she realised that her scent would stay on Cara’s glove for some time.  
  
The probing fingers increased their pace and Kahlan moaned in satisfaction.  
  
Without warning Cara removed her hand and grabbed Kahlan under the shoulders. She felt herself being pulled up and Cara manoeuvred her so that she was kneeling. Her arms were stretched back behind her and Kahlan felt as though they would snap off at her shoulders but her concern about this lessened as Cara toyed with the hair at the apex of Kahlan’s legs.  
  
This time when Cara’s fingers entered her a third digit joined them. Kahlan rode Cara’s finger as they curled up inside her.  
  
“Faster,” she pleaded.  
  
Cara did not punish her for her impudence and in fact acquiesced. Kahlan could feel tremors building inside her and struggled to release her hands in an attempt to touch Cara. She managed to pull the stake holding her right arm out of the ground and it swung in a dangerous arc as Kahlan went to bury her hand in Cara’s hair.  
  
“That’s my girl,” Cara’s voice was full of pride.  
  
She saw Cara swing her arm but the blow still came as a surprise and she attempted to ask ‘why’ but unconsciousness claimed her before she had a chance to form the word.


	4. Chapter 4

They’d picked up the trail relatively easily after they left the village – two recent sets of hoofprints from horses carrying two riders on a sparsely used road were hard to disguise. As predicted, the prints split in two after a while but Richard had taken a little longer than he’d expected to be able to ascertain which trail was genuine.   
  
Telling a horse being ridden from a horse running under its own power should not be difficult. But this was  _Cara_  he was dealing with and he had no doubt that if she didn’t want to be found, she’d make it as difficult to find her as humanly possible. But he was an excellent tracker and he had to be confident in his own skills.  
  
After some investigation of both sets of tracks, he determined which was the one that would lead them to Cara. But upon returning to where he’d left the others, it was clear that Cara wasn’t going to make it much further without falling off her horse. She’d been flagging for a couple of hours but had insisted she was fine. She was far from fine. She was leaning forward in her saddle, an arm cradling her wounded side. Her face was pallid and pinched. The wound, if not infected already, was going to be soon with the sweat and dirt that was no doubt accumulating between her skin and her leathers. Night was beginning to fall and Richard made up his mind.  
  
“This is the trail,” he announced. “There’s a clearing up ahead. We’ll stop there and eat.”  
  
“What?” Cara said, though it came out as more of a pant. “No. We keep going.”  
  
“No,” Richard told her, his voice firm. “We stop. We eat. We rest. We carry on.”  
  
She huffed and yanked on her horse’s reins, crying out softly as the action pulled at her wound. Richard’s heart went out to her, but he remained firm, urging his horse on at a gentle trot to the clearing he’d spotted. He dismounted and waited for Zedd and Cara to arrive. Zedd was first.  
  
“I want you to heal her,” Richard said, keeping his voice low. “I don’t care how much she protests. She can’t go on like this. She’s no use to anyone.”  
  
Zedd nodded as Cara drew near, leaning so far forward she was in danger of slipping from the beast. Zedd caught hold of the horse’s bridle and Richard eased Cara down into his arms, holding her like a baby. Her head lolled against his shoulder and he carried her to a nearby tree, propping her against its trunk and wincing when she curled in on herself, whimpering like a kitten. He stroked her hair away from her sweaty forehead; she was barely conscious.  
  
“Zedd!” he called. “Do it now.”  
  
The wizard came over and crouched by Cara’s prone form, holding both of his hands over her injury and chanting under his breath. His hands started to glow and the light transferred to Cara. The old man frowned in concentration.   
  
“It’s worse than she was telling us,” he said, his voice shaking with effort. “And infection is setting in.”  
  
Richard’s eyes fell to Cara’s face. He could barely equate this woman with the one he’d spent the week with. He thought back on his time with the other Cara and cursed himself for not being able to tell that something was wrong sooner. He flushed at the thought of her body against his. That single act should have been enough to alert him. Cara would  _never_  do that to Kahlan. She’d die first.   
  
Zedd let out a gasp of air and staggered back a little. Richard caught his arm to stop him from falling.  
  
“Zedd?” he asked.  
  
“It’s done,” Zedd told him, his breathing laboured. “The wound is healed. When she comes around she’ll be right as rain.”  
  
“I doubt that,” Richard muttered.  
  
He reached into the tear in her leathers and withdrew the blood-soaked bandage. He probed the area gently with his fingers and found the skin intact. Satisfied that she’d be okay, he moved back to his horse, pulling out the provisions they’d had packed for them. Dried venison and bread washed down with water. It was hardly a banquet, but it was adequate and they could eat it quickly. Richard divided the food into three portions. He handed Zedd his and tensed as he heard Cara stirring behind him. He picked up the remaining food and approached her, lowering himself to the ground beside her.  
  
Cara came to slowly, seemingly confused and disoriented. She looked up at Richard, her brow creased momentarily.  
  
“I…” Her hand flew to her side. “The pain is gone…you healed me.”  
  
The accusation was thrown at Zedd, who had never been reprimanded for healing someone before.  
  
“You’re welcome,” he said, gruffly, biting down on his venison.  
  
Her eyes turned to Richard. “I told you we should keep going.”  
  
“And  _I_  told  _you_  we were stopping.” He put the food down in front of her. “Eat. And rest. We’ll set out again in a few hours.”  
  
“A few  _hours_?” Cara spat, pushing herself into a sitting position. “Do you have any idea what she could do to Kahlan in even an extra hour?”  
  
She made as if to stand up but Richard’s hand on her shoulder pushed her back down.  
  
“And if we get there and are too tired or injured to fight her, she’ll kill us all and do whatever she wants with Kahlan.” He shoved the food towards her. “Eat.”  
  
Cara made an exasperated noise, but picked up the food and took a bite, chewing in silence. Richard was thankful that she hadn’t protested more, but expected her to insist they leave immediately after eating. He’d probably agree; the main purpose of them stopping had been to heal Cara.  
  
The meal passed without a word spoken between the three of them. Richard watched Cara pick at her food; something she  _never_  did. To his surprise, Cara was the one to break the silence that reigned after they’d finished eating. He still wasn’t used to this more forthcoming Cara. The fact that she addressed his grandfather was even more surprising.  
  
“Wizard, did you find anything else about the magic of the amulet before we left the city?”  
  
Zedd looked equally amazed at her question. “Nothing beyond what I’d discovered before. I investigated as much as I could about the splitting of a person, but there’s not much known and even less tried.”  
  
Cara regarded him for a number of moments before speaking again.   
  
“Are we two people, or one person?”  
  
“I…it’s difficult to say, child,” Zedd said, shifting uncomfortably. “It would appear that you are two fully formed women, separate and individual. And yet you are two halves of a whole person.”  
  
“If one of us were to die, would you still be able to put us back together, as is your ardent desire?” Cara asked.  
  
“I don’t know,” was Zedd’s honest reply. “I wouldn’t like to test that theory.”  
  
“Cara,” Richard interrupted. “I told you that we’d find a way. We won’t have to kill her.”  
  
“Maybe not,” Cara mumbled. “Maybe if you kill me, she’ll die too.”  
  
“Cara…” Richard began with a sigh. He was growing tired of this self-sacrifice she seemed to be determined to achieve. The Cara he knew would insist on being present at Kahlan’s rescue; if only to ensure it was done properly.  
  
“Richard,” Cara cut him off. “If she’s dead, then Kahlan won’t be harmed any further and you can find her.”  
  
“And what if it doesn’t work?” Richard countered. “You’d be dead, Kahlan would still be getting tortured, and we’d be a weaker force against the other Cara.” His voice rose as his anger grew. “ _Plus_  the magic of the amulet might not work if you’re dead, meaning that we’d be left with just the other Cara. Is that what you want?”  
  
“What I  _want_?” Cara whispered. “You think any of this is what I  _want_?”  
Tears spilled from her eyes in huge, unashamed droplets and Richard felt awful for yelling at her.  
  
“What I  _want_  is for Kahlan to be safe.” Her voice was steady, though her tears continued to fall. ”What I  _want_  is to not worry about some crazy person running off with her every two minutes to try and foil  _your_  quest. What I want is to wake up with her in my arms in the morning and know that we’ll both make it through the day so that we can fall asleep in each other’s arms at night. I want a  _life_  for us, Richard.”  
  
When she was done, all three of them were stunned into silence at her words. Richard had never considered that Cara might want to settle down somewhere and have a ‘normal’ life with Kahlan. And perhaps even  _Cara_  didn’t know. But obviously some part of her wanted exactly that. He reached out and pulled her against him in a fierce hug, pressing his face into her hair and whispering in her ear.  
  
“You’ll get your life, Cara. I swear it. We’ll fix this and Kahlan will be back in your arms and you’ll get your life.”  
  
“If she wants me.”  
  
The whisper was almost lost on the wind, but he picked it up. He pulled back enough to see her face.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
Cara lifts her chin, but he can still see her lips trembling.  
  
“You know what Mord’Sith do to the people they want to break, Richard,” she said. “Do you have any idea what they do to those they want to mate with?”  
  
He shook his head, slowly, wondering how it could be worse.  
  
“No. And nor should you,” Cara continued. “But if you think that Kahlan will be able to look at my face the same way ever again, you’re mistaken. And I accept that. As long as she is alive and well. But what I cannot accept is sitting here for a moment longer, with intimate knowledge of what is surely happening to her right now.”  
  
“Kahlan is strong,” Richard told her, hoping to bolster her flagging confidence. “She won’t break easily.”  
  
It seemed he’d chosen the wrong thing to say. Cara’s face crumpled and she let it fall forward into her hands, her shoulders heaving with sobs. Richard wrapped her in his arms again, still a little surprised when she didn’t push him away. She accepted the embrace, burying her face in his shoulder and wrapping her arms around him. They sat together for long moments, Cara’s sobs gradually easing as Richard stroked her hair and mumbled words of comfort, looking to Zedd for help. The wizard merely smiled and shook his head, indicating that he thought Richard was doing a fine job all on his own.  
  
“You’re right,” she said, turning her head away from his shoulder. “Kahlan is strong. But she’ll break her. She  _knows_ Kahlan. She knows her weaknesses and her fears. She’ll prey on them.” She tilted her head to look into his eyes. “In my experience, the strongest people are the ones who not only break…they shatter.”  
  
Richard closed his eyes, trying to keep his body from tensing up at her words. He needed her to stay focussed. They  _all_ needed to stay focussed. And he truly believed that Kahlan would not be broken beyond repair. She was the strongest person he knew. And, despite all evidence to the contrary, part of him hoped that Cara wouldn’t be able to hurt her. During their journey she had still demonstrated a connection to Kahlan. The look in her eyes when she accused him of still being in love with her was evidence enough of some deep attachment. He prayed that there was a shred of humanity left in the other Cara;  _something_  that would let Kahlan get through to her. He needed to believe that.  
  
“Richard.”  
  
Cara’s voice drew him out of his head and he looked down at her.   
  
“I don’t know if I can stand to see…what she’s done to her.”  
  
He nodded. Though it hadn’t occurred to him, hearing her say it made him wonder why it hadn’t. Of course it was going to be difficult for Cara to see Kahlan in any form of distress, especially as she felt like  _she_  had been party to it in some way.  
  
“I know it’ll be hard,” he said, almost smiling at the scoffing noise she made at his understatement. “But she needs us.”  
  
“She needs  _you_ ,” Cara mumbled, turning away from him. “What use am I? No agiels. No magic. No Breath of Life. I’m the one who  _let_  her be captured.”  
  
“Cara, you have the bravest heart I’ve ever encountered,” Richard told her, softly. “If Kahlan has your heart on her side, that’s a pretty formidable weapon.”  
  
Cara inhaled deeply and wiped her face. “You’re quite ridiculous, sometimes,” she said, but Richard could see some of the resolve return to her eyes. “But…thank you.”  
  
He smiled and, because he thought it might be his only opportunity to do so, he brushed a quick kiss against her forehead. His affection for the normal Cara bordered on brotherly (which made his actions of earlier in the week even more unforgivable.) They’d developed a sibling like bond with each other from very early on in their relationship. She teased him and he accepted it with good humour. She challenged his plans and rolled her eyes when he explained his reasoning. She pouted when he issued an order she didn’t like. She was like a naughty little sister. And he loved her for it. And he wanted her back.  
  
“Okay,” he said, patting her on the back gently. “Let’s go get Kahlan.”  
  
\---  
  
The hazy world between oblivion and consciousness was becoming her friend. As she crossed the border to alertness she noticed that her arms were once again strung above her head. She was suspended from her wrists and her shoulders bore an uncomfortable load.  
  
She stretched in an attempt to find purchase but although her toes scraped strands of hay there was no solid ground to be found.  
  
Cara seemed acutely aware of her change in condition and came to stand beside her.  
  
“This is not how I wanted things to be.”  
  
“Sorry to disappoint you,” Kahlan replied.  
  
“I really did envision your rest periods being more comfortable.”  
  
“I’m sure you did,” Kahlan spits.  
  
Cara smiled and stroked Kahlan’s face, “It’s not really my fault that you can’t be comfortable.”  
  
“Of course not.”  
  
The smile deepened, “If I didn’t have to worry about your confessor power I would have allowed you to lie down to sleep, but given that you broke your bonds that is not possible.”  
  
“I don’t see that it’s my fault that you failed to take my power and my strength into account.”  
  
Cara tilted her head.  
  
“Neither of those things are ever far from my mind.”  
  
Kahlan wished that  _her_  Cara were here and not just because she wouldn’t be tied up. Freedom would have been a definite advantage but more than anything she wanted to know if the real Cara feared her magic.  
  
“I would never hurt you.”  
  
The Mord’Sith pressed against the damaged flesh above the confessor’s ribs and Kahlan hissed.  
  
“I would think less of you if you didn’t want to hurt me.”  
  
“You know how I feel about you.”  
  
Kahlan’s words seemed to hit Cara like a physical blow and she all but stumbled.  
  
“What I know is that you were with that imposter.”  
  
“I was with you too.”  
  
“But you don’t think I’m me.”  
  
“No,” Kahlan admitted, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t care for you.”  
  
“When we are done you won’t be worried about imposters or whether or not I am me.”  
  
This was not the way Kahlan wanted the conversation to go and she felt the need to claim the upper hand.  
  
“You don’t think you’re good enough for me to want if you don’t break me?”  
  
She held her breath while anger flashed through Cara’s eyes.  
  
“I don’t really need to worry about that. When we are done there will be no question about your loyalty.”  
  
“You don’t need to do this. I’m already yours.”  
  
Cara’s mask didn’t crack but her hand shook slightly.  
  
“It’s best to be sure.”  
  
“Because of what I can do?” Kahlan asked.  
  
“It is a problem,” Cara admitted.  
  
“How do you know you will be immune from my touch if you break me?”  
  
“I don’t, but if you are truly mine you won’t betray me.”  
  
“I could never betray you.”  
  
“Not even if I hurt those dear to you, or if I have appetites that you can’t satisfy?”  
  
The smirk on Cara’s lips terrified Kahlan.  
  
“Are you saying that I won’t be enough for you?”  
  
“I’m saying that I have already needed to look elsewhere for gratification.”  
  
“What are you talking about?” Kahlan didn’t know why she asked, given Cara’s reply had the power hurt her more than anything the Mord’Sith could ever dream of doing with her agiels.  
  
“Your precious little Richard was very accommodating.”  
  
She closed her eyes and tried to drown out Cara’s words.  
  
A hand pushed her thighs apart and Kahlan gasped.  
  
“Please don’t do this.”  
  
“Are you still so sure that you won’t ever hurt me?”  
  
Kahlan bit back tears and met Cara’s eyes, “No matter what happens, I will never confess you.”  
  
“Well, what we are doing here will make sure of that. Now sleep.”  
  
She wanted to protest. She wanted to point out that no one could possibly sleep in this position. She wanted to argue that even if she were comfortable that she could not sleep after what Cara had said. She didn’t do any of those things because she was frightened of what else Cara might tell her.  
  
To Kahlan’s surprise her battered body had needs that outweighed those of her broken heart and it wasn’t long before sleep claimed her.  
  
\---  
  
Although they’d found Cara’s trail, following it wasn’t easy. She knew Richard’s skills and had taken every opportunity to throw them off. But after many hours of travel, the abandoned farms described by the villagers loomed into view. They dismounted a good distance away, holding onto their horses.  
  
“This is it,” Richard breathed. He turned to his grandfather. “Zedd, I want you to wait outside until we call for you. Your magic is no use against her.”  
  
Zedd nodded. “I’ll take the horses and tie them up. We’ll no doubt need them to get Kahlan…” He left his sentence hanging. None of them had any idea what Kahlan would need when they got to her.  
  
“When we get in there, my aim is to subdue her through whatever is necessary.” He glanced at Cara. “Both you and I attacking her directly should be enough to overpower her. But we’re not going to kill her.”  
  
“Yes, so you said,” Cara said, she was distracted, looking to the buildings in the distance and moving from foot to foot, twirling Kahlan’s daggers in her hands. “I won’t kill her unless it’s absolutely necessary.”  
  
“And you’ve come to terms with the spell we need to perform on you?” Zedd asked, settling his hand on her shoulder.  
  
She looked up at him. “No. But I understand why you think it must be done. You’ve lost someone you care for and you want her back.” She looked back at the farm buildings, her mouth drawing into something like a sneer. “I want to make sure that whatever happens,  _she_  is no longer left in this world.” A sad smile tugged at her lips. “And I believe that Kahlan must see something in this Cara that you speak of. She’s…she’s a good judge of character.”  
  
“She is,” Zedd agreed, squeezing her shoulder. “And she  _adores_  our Cara.”  
  
Cara nodded once. “Then she’ll get her back.”  
  
“Be careful,” Zedd said, looking from Cara to Richard. “Both of you. I’ll be waiting for your signal.”  
  
“Let’s go,” Richard said to Cara with a final look to Zedd as he started to lead the horses away.   
  
Richard drew his sword to match Cara’s already unsheathed daggers, and they made their way towards the cluster of structures.  
  
“Do we have a strategy?” Cara whispered as they drew nearer. “You know that she’s going to threaten Kahlan’s life, don’t you?”  
  
He pressed his lips together. Without knowing what was waiting for them inside, it was difficult to plan an attack. The element of surprise would only work for a very short time on this Cara. And Cara was right, if she was anywhere near Kahlan when they entered, all she would have to do is press an agiel to her chest and Richard and Cara would be powerless to do anything but what she told them to.  
  
“She’s a Mord’Sith. I’m the Lord Rahl…she should obey a direct command from me,” he said, realising that was a faint hope.  
  
Cara looked at him like he’d sprouted gar wings. “I would think the fact that she abandoned you in Aydindril and kidnapped the Mother Confessor demonstrates that she’s  _not_  really in the mood for respecting your authority at the moment.”  
  
He sighed. “No. Then we need to go on the offensive straight away. Attack her from two fronts, force her to defend herself…she won’t have time to kill Kahlan if we charge at her.”  
  
Cara was silent, mulling this over. “It’s possibly our only option,” she agreed. “Knocking her unconscious should be the aim. That will allow us to tend to Kahlan, retrieve the amulet and call for Zedd.”  
  
“Agreed.” He was assessing the buildings for suitability as they got closer. Some obviously did not fit the bill; with doors hanging off their hinges and windows broken. But a large wooden barn like structure caught his attention. It was windowless and looked to only have one entrance, which was securely closed. He gestured to it with his head. “That one?”  
  
Cara followed his eyes and sized up the building, scanning the surroundings and discounting the others for the same reasons Richard had.   
  
“Yes, that one.”   
  
Richard nodded and quickened his stride. Cara grabbed his arm and he turned back to her in surprise.   
  
“Richard, if this doesn’t work…if the spell fails or if one or both of us die before you can perform it…I want you to make sure Kahlan is happy.”  
  
He frowned. “Cara, I don’t think she’ll be happy if either of those things happen.”  
  
“No, I…” She bit her lip. “I realise she will be heartbroken, as I would be in her position. But her heart will mend, in time. And…what I’m saying is that I would rather you be the one to help it mend.”  
  
Her meaning dawned on him slowly. He was split between feeling honoured and slightly disturbed that Cara appeared to be giving her blessing for him to be with Kahlan in the event of her death. It also made him worry that Cara was going to go in with the intention of killing either herself or the other one so that the spell would have less chance of working.  
  
“Cara, that won’t be necessary. She’ll have you.”  
  
She kept hold of his arm as he tried to turn away and he looked into her eyes.  
  
“Richard, it’s important that I know she’d be safe. And I trust you to keep her safe.”  
  
She needed this, he realised. And though he had no idea what would happen between himself and Kahlan in a world without Cara, the one thing he  _could_  promise to do was keep her safe. He grasped Cara’s forearm with his hand, turning her grip into a warrior’s agreement. He nodded once and she returned it.  
  
“Of course, if we are successful today, that offer is off the table,” Cara said, her face serious, but her eyes twinkling.  
  
Richard smiled and rolled his eyes. “Yes, Cara. I know.”  
  
“I’m glad we understand each other,” she said, letting go of his arm finally. “And Richard, in case the spell  _does_  work, I should probably tell you now that I have never served under anyone that I respect as much as you. You are a true Lord Rahl.”   
  
The unexpected compliment threw him and he felt his throat grow thick. He swallowed against the lump that was forming and dipped his head before meeting her eyes again.  
  
“If I’m a true Lord Rahl, it’s because you’ve helped to show me what that means,” he said, deciding that he shouldn’t let this opportunity pass him by. “So thank you for that. And thank you for being my friend.”  
  
She smiled at him then.   
  
“It is my honour,” she told him. “And while I’m sure we could appreciate each other for a good while yet, we really must get to Kahlan.”  
  
He punched her shoulder affectionately to break the strange tension that had settled over them.  
  
“Let’s go and rescue your lady.”  
  
\---   
  
In her mind the second session was not that different from the first. At times she was not even sure that the first session had ever ended.  
  
It would have been nice to think that her body would become immune to the pain, or that the pain would become so overwhelming that her brain would shut down, but neither of those things happened. Life as she knew it ceased to exist and there was only her body. Her agonized body.  
  
Under normal circumstances this would have been more than enough suffering. She didn’t know if her predicament was a designed part of the progress or just a happy coincidence that the Mord’Sith liked to exploit but her bladder felt as though it was about to explode. The discomfort was almost enough to distract her from the living fire that was her skin.  
  
Kahlan contemplated asking for respite but she didn’t know what she would do if the request was declined. She held onto the faint hope that if her bladder really did rupture she might die. That death would likely be short lived but it still felt like a point in her favour.  
  
In the end she was denied the joy of serious internal damage. Cara placed an agiel over the offending area and as the overlying muscles went into spasm she lost her control.  
  
She closed her eyes and a tear trickled down her face mirroring the flow lower down.  
  
Cara wiped the tear away and spoke with what seemed to be genuine compassion, “It’s ok. There is nothing to be ashamed off.”  
  
“How can you say that?”  
  
“It’s part of the process.”  
  
“You have no idea how crazy that sounds. What is happening is not normal.”  
  
A thumb briefly caressed her arm. “I know this is new to you but trust me when I tell you that all is going as it should.”  
  
“Trust me when I tell you that that is of absolutely no comfort.”  
  
Cara laughed. The sound was light and seemed completely out of place. “Don’t worry. I will clean you off before we engage in more pleasant activities.”  
  
“There is nothing pleasant about the thought of being with you like that.”  
  
“We both know that’s not true.”  
  
“Look at me. The fact that you would touch me after doing this to me makes me sick.”  
  
“You have no idea how beautiful you look.”  
  
“And you have no idea how much that disturbs me. Whatever happens tonight, I will not be a willing participant.”  
  
She felt fingers pry one of her eyes open. “We’ll just have to see about that.”  
  
Lips then made contact with her neck and Kahlan swore to herself that she would make sure that Cara’s prediction was not accurate.  
  
\---  
  
In the end, the question as to whether or not she would have succumbed to Cara’s advances went unanswered.  
  
Suddenly Cara withdrew her weapons from Kahlan’s body and placed a finger over her lips. She had no idea what was going on, although that shouldn’t have surprised her. She was well aware that she had lost contact with everything other than the agiels and their effects.  
  
To her confusion, the look that Cara gave her was pleading rather than menacing and somehow that made it much more powerful.   
  
“I’ll be back soon,” Cara whispered and then disappeared from view.  
  
It was only then that Kahlan became aware that something had changed. It was a subtraction rather than an addition and even under ideal circumstances she would have been hard pressed to notice it. There was an absence of sound and a feeling of stillness. Something had clearly startled the native creatures and she had no idea if that was good or a bad thing.  
  
The silence didn’t last. It was ruptured by the clatter of falling objects and the accompanying thuds of them hitting a heavy mass. A groan joined the symphony but Kahlan didn’t have time to contemplate this as suddenly the pressure on her arms eased and she made a thud of her own as she hit the ground.  
  
She was joined by Cara but it was not the Cara who had been sharing the barn with her. This Cara removed the bonds from Kahlan’s wrists and rubbed her fingers over the raw skin. Kahlan was about to offer her heartfelt thanks when Cara vanished. The space she had been occupying was filled by the leather clad boot that had kicked her in the face.  
  
“Did you really think I wouldn’t know that he was only a distraction?” the Mord’Sith asked.  
  
“I was hoping that the fact that he is your Lord Rahl would mean that you would hesitate before attacking him.”  
  
“It appears that you were in error.”  
  
The fallen Cara dragged herself up onto her knees. “It seems the fact that I thought he might offer a modicum of resistance was also in error.”  
  
“Well quite,” her counterpart replied.  
  
Both Caras tilted their heads to the side and a small smile tugged at the corner of each of their mouths. It was eerie to watch and it left Kahlan feeling unsettled.  
  
The kneeling Cara ended the moment when she flung herself at her double. Her movement halted when an agiel struck her in the side but she still managed to leave her mark. Blood trickled from a wound on the other Cara’s face and she clubbed her opponent twice as punishment.  
  
In an effort to avoid another agiel blow Cara rolled forward. Her feet struck the other Cara firmly in the stomach causing her to stumble backwards. The momentum of the roll allowed the Cara clutching Kahlan’s daggers to end in a crouch. She then dug a blade into the leg of the standing Cara and attempted to sweep her legs out from under her.  
  
Her move was unsuccessful. Her leg moved in a circle and struck nothing but air. The other Cara had jumped out of the way and instead of losing her balance she landed a kick to the crouching women’s throat and it was that Cara who fell.  
  
A boot came down on the hand still clutching a dagger and Kahlan heard a sickening crunch. The standing Cara then pulled the other knife out of her thigh and Kahlan feared that the skirmish was going to be over before it began. To Kahlan’s surprise the knife was dropped to the ground and the upright Cara backed away. The Mord’Sith grinned manically and gestured for her twin to rejoin the skirmish.  
  
The softer Cara, and it seemed strange to think about her that way given she was wielding knives and murder eyes, scurried to her feet and waited for her competitor to make the next move. The agiel totting Cara laughed and ran full pelt into the blades pointed at her. She sidestepped at the last minute and a dagger grazed her leather rather than her flesh. She struck an agiel into the shoulder of the knife bearer but her action left her arm unprotected and a dagger sliced her wrist.  
  
The aggressor changed as the other Cara went on the attack. She spun in a circle with her arms outstretched and two holes opened up just above her victim’s breasts. Although blood gushed from the one of the wounds, it seemed to go unnoticed because the twirling Cara came to an abrupt stop when agiels came in contact with her stomach and lower back.  
  
Although she must have been in agony, it was a look of bewilderment that was plastered over Cara’s face as the agiels pressed deeper. It didn’t seem to be the pain itself but rather the foreign way her body responded to the agiels that was causing her distress. A whimper escaped her lips and she lost her grip on her weapons.  
  
The balance of power appeared to have shifted and the look on the Mord’Sith’s face suggested that she was about to deliver a death blow. Kahlan did not know what form that blow would take but it was interrupted when Richard landed on Cara’s back.  
  
The addition of another enemy did not seem to faze Cara. If anything she found it amusing.   
  
“Now, now Lord Rahl,” she chided. “You don’t want to hurt me. After all, we both know that I could be carrying your heir.”  
  
Kahlan did not want believe her ears but the flush of shame on Richard’s face suggested that there was a truth to the words. His response was to tighten his hold and it was clear that the increase of pressure on her neck was decreasing the flow of air to Cara’s lungs. She hurtled backwards and Kahlan heard a crack as she crashed into the wall of the barn. It appeared that crack had come from Richard’s head as his body went slack and he tumbled to the floor. He was not moving but Cara kicked him in the head for good measure.  
  
She turned to see her other foe had rallied and was now in a fighting stance and she smiled in approval.   
  
“It’s good to know that even when burdened by emotion I am not weak as others.”  
  
”I don’t need your approval.”  
  
“You’d have to do a lot more than stand up to earn that.”  
  
“Let’s just end this.”  
  
“My pleasure.”  
  
They flew at one another and the fight resumed in earnest. They took pound after pound of flesh but neither held the upper hand for long. In essence they were fighting themselves. They had the same training. They knew the same moves. One Cara may have the advantage of brutality but the other countered this with passion and the fact that she was fighting with all of her heart.  
  
The stalemate finally ended when Zedd strode into the barn and yelled, “Enough.”  
  
His arm was outstretched but the Mord’Sith laughed at him.   
  
“Your powers are useless here, Wizard.”  
  
“You see only what you want to see,” he replied. A wave of power shot out from his hand and struck the ceiling.  
  
Large pieces of what had been the roof rained down on Cara and she looked at him in horror.  
  
“Not all actions are direct,” he told her and flicked his hand. This time a cloud of dirt and hay found her eyes, temporarily blinding her and leaving her open to more attacks.  
  
Cara heard the roof above her rattle and she bounded out of the way.  
  
Kahlan found herself being held against the Mord’Sith and an agiel hovered over the tender flesh of her neck.  
  
“Do your worst, old man,” the Mord’Sith dared.  
  
He stood before them, impotent and disheartened.  
  
“I’m so sorry Zedd,” this came from the other Cara, “I couldn’t get the amulet. I have failed us all.”  
  
The confessor tried to blink away her confusion. She had assumed that they‘d come for her.  
  
“Why do you want the amulet?” the Cara behind Kahlan demanded.  
  
“I mean to right a terrible wrong.”  
  
“You believe you can join me with that  _thing_?” The Mord’Sith hissed. “I will not be paired with her. She does not deserve to live.”  
  
“You’re right. She shouldn’t exist, but neither should you.”  
  
“You will get that amulet over my dead body.”  
  
“That is not something that concerns me,” Zedd informed her.  
  
“What if it’s over the Mother Confessor’s dead body?”  
  
Zedd seemed to deflate. He didn’t even bother to suggest that Cara was bluffing. It was then that Kahlan knew that her fate was sealed. They would not risk harming her and she was certain that next time Cara would not be so easy to find. Even if they were found, it probably wouldn’t matter. By that time she may not want to be found. She might not even be herself.  
  
“Take Richard and leave,” she told the others.  
  
The beaten Cara did not want to let things go. “I cannot leave you with her. The shame alone would kill me.”  
  
“If you love me at all you will leave.”  
  
If it were possible, Kahlan’s request broke her even further. She made her way across the room and hoisted Richard onto her shoulder. She struggled with her load and Zedd had to assist her.  
  
As they exited the barn, the remaining Cara turned Kahlan in her arms. “I’m so proud of you,” she said before kissing her. Kahlan returned the kiss and Cara hands travelled down Kahlan’s back. She tried not to flinch at the pain the agiels caused and wrapped her arms around Cara’s neck.  
  
The kiss deepened and Kahlan changed her grip. The look of betrayal in Cara’s eyes when she realised that Kahlan’s hand was at her throat almost made her hesitate and Cara saying, “You promised me,” didn’t make it any easier. She steeled herself and unleashed her power.  
  
As Cara uttered the hollow phrase, “Command me, Confessor,” Kahlan screamed for help.  
  
When Zedd and his Cara returned Kahlan was cradling her Cara in her arms. She fished into Cara’s leathers and threw the broken amulet to Zedd. “Please hurry. She can’t take this much longer.”  
  
“It doesn’t matter,” Cara said through clenched teeth. “If I die in your arms then I will die happy.”  
  
Kahlan brushed a kiss to her forehead and the other Cara looked as though she could kill them both.  
  
“Zedd will fix this. I promise you both.”  
  
“There is nothing to fix,” the Cara beside her muttered.  
  
“She’s right,” the Cara in her arms replied. “I will die as you have willed it and when I am gone you will still have her.”  
  
Kahlan risk a glance at the less fatally injured Cara who seemed pleased with her rival’s assessment. “It’s not what I want,” she told them. “I know it doesn’t seem like it but neither of you are complete. You need to be together.”  
  
One Cara began to argue and the other mindlessly conceded to her mistress’s wish but in the end their responses did not matter. Zedd joined the halves of the amulet together and with a few words in a tongue that Kahlan didn’t understand he caused the Caras to begin to glow and then to move together.  
  
When the light faded only one Cara remained. The body that lay before Kahlan showed no evidence of having engaged in a fight but it was not the body that Kahlan was worried about. Even if every bone was broken Cara’s body could be healed. The damage to Cara’s mind might be much more permanent.  
  
“What happened to me?” Kahlan was not sure how to respond but Cara saved her from having to answer by asking, “And why are you naked? And why is Zedd here when you are naked?”  
  
“You really don’t know?” Kahlan enquired.  
  
“The last thing I recall is that I let the wizard use magic on you so that you could attend to your duties and now I find myself here with the two of you and you are naked.” Cara turned evil eyes to Zedd, “If I didn’t know I was resistant to your powers I would suspect you had done something to me.”  
  
Zedd chuckled, “I have done what needed to be done. I will leave the two of you alone.”  
  
“I didn’t think I get to see you so soon,” Cara whispered to Kahlan and reached for her hand.  
  
Kahlan joined their fingers and said, “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”  
  
“Something terrible has happened hasn’t it?” Cara asked as she looked at the state of Kahlan’s body.  
  
“Yes,” Kahlan confirmed.  
  
“Those are agiel wounds. I will kill the Mord’Sith that dared to do this to you.”  
  
She knew they needed to talk but she really didn’t know where to start. She wanted to pretend that none of it had ever happened. In a way that was true, the person who hurt her didn’t even exist anymore, but her body bore evidence that made denial impossible. “There is a lot I need to tell you but I can’t do that yet.”  
  
“Okay,” Cara said sceptically.  
  
“I guess what I’d really like to do right now is to take a bath with you.”  
  
“Okay,” Cara replied with much more enthusiasm.


	5. Chapter 5

The men had gone back to the village they’d passed through, to fulfil Richard’s promise to come back and help. Cara and Kahlan were left alone, in private, to deal with the events of the past few days. One of the nearby farmhouses had proved to be relatively in tact and they’d moved their provisions there. Cara had insisted on carrying Kahlan, wrapped up in a blanket from her pack. She cradled her in her arms like she might break, if she hadn’t already. They hadn’t told her much beyond the essentials of what had happened, but it wasn’t difficult for Cara to deduce the rest. She knew her own handiwork when she saw it.   
  
Though she was Mord’Sith through and through, she knew that meeting Richard and Kahlan, and even Zedd, had changed her. Or perhaps just brought out elements in her that had always been there, hidden and beaten into submission. To imagine herself with that taken away was horrifying. To think that Kahlan had seen that side of her was even worse.   
  
She swirled the water in the bathtub, brought from a nearby stream by herself and Richard and kindly heated by wizard’s fire. She sighed. The temperature was irrelevant; it would hurt Kahlan no matter what. But she would let it cool a little more. She closed her eyes against the sting of tears that thinking of Kahlan’s injuries brought on.   
  
“Cara?”  
  
Cara stopped doing what she was doing. She knew she’d been stalling, unwilling to face Kahlan now that they were alone. Unable to see the devastation she’d caused.  
  
“Yes?”   
  
“Can you come here?”  
  
Cara’s jaw clenched. Kahlan could’ve asked her to go out and fight an army singlehandedly. To bring her a shadrin head on a plate. To capture the moon from the sky. Any of those things she’d have done, and done gladly. But this simple request terrified her. But Kahlan had asked, and she could not say no. She stood and turned, forcing herself to take in the bruises and broken skin on the parts of Kahlan’s body that were visible. She realised she was staring when Kahlan reached out a hand, shaky though it was.  
  
“I know I’m not at my most pleasant to be around right now,” Kahlan said, a hint of an embarrassed smile on her lips. “But I’d like you to sit with me for moment.”  
  
Cara’s heart cracked a little more. Wordlessly she took the offered hand in her own and dropped to her knees in front of Kahlan, bowing her head.  
  
“No.” There was a weak tug on her hand and she chanced a look upwards. “I want you up here with me.”  
  
She pushed herself up and joined Kahlan on the bench, still holding her hand. Kahlan immediately moved closer to her and Cara had no choice but to wrap her arm around Kahlan’s back, as gently as she possibly could. She turned her face into matted hair, smelling blood and sweat and Kahlan. A sob was swelling in her chest and she wouldn’t be able to fight it for long. Kahlan didn’t allow her to hide, bringing her hand to Cara’s face and pushing her away to look into her eyes.  
  
“You didn’t do this.” Kahlan’s voice was even and her eyes bored into Cara’s, willing the words to go in.  
  
“Yes. I did.”   
  
No matter what Kahlan, or Richard, or Zedd believed, Cara had done this. The potential for this violence, against someone she loved beyond words, was still inside her. Every bruise on Kahlan’s body was in the shape of her hand or her agiel. Every ounce of pain Kahlan had experienced had been drawn out by her. There was no question in Cara’s mind that it was not safe for people to be around her. She would make sure that Kahlan was healed and then she would leave. She did not deserve the luxury of friends. Of love. Of living.  
  
Kahlan sighed. “Cara, I understand that it must be awful for you to see me like this and to hear about…what happened. But if you insist on punishing yourself for something you had no control over, then you at least have to balance that with the full picture.”  
  
Cara closed her eyes against Kahlan’s penetrating gaze. Kahlan probably wanted to talk about the other Cara. She hadn’t heard so much about her, only that she’d been instrumental in the fight to rescue Kahlan.   
  
“I fail to see how  _anything_  could cancel out this atrocity.” She opened her eyes again. “Kahlan, how can you bear to be near me?”  
  
Under the bruising and the grime, Kahlan’s face grew determined.   
  
“Because I love you,” she said. “With all of my heart, I love you. And I know you love me just as much.  _Both_  sides of you showed me that. In very different ways, but I never, ever doubted your love for me.”  
  
Cara shook her head. Kahlan clearly did not understand and there would be no use in explaining. She would try to explain everything away with talk of feelings and love and she would pretend that Cara didn’t have a monster lurking inside her that wanted nothing more than to cause pain and suffering.   
  
“Even when I was beating you? Torturing you?” Cara could barely get the words out, but she had to say them so that Kahlan would acknowledge them. Whatever romanticised version of events she’d concocted to make herself believe that Cara was still a ‘good person’, she had to face the truth somehow.  
  
“Yes, even then,” Kahlan said and Cara rolled her eyes but Kahlan wasn’t finished. “When she was beating me, when she was-“  
  
“Me, Kahlan!” Cara snapped. “It was me! Stop pretending it was someone else.”  
  
“Fine!” Kahlan’s voice matched Cara’s, the fatigue and trauma of the past few days fuelling her irritation. “When  _you_  were beating me, when  _you_  were torturing me…all the way through, I knew it was because you loved me and in  _your_  Mord’Sith mind, you were doing the only thing that you understood…the only thing that could guarantee my loyalty to you.”  
  
Cara stared at her, breathing heavily through her nose, the urge to cry building up in her chest again. Kahlan’s hand was gentle on her cheek, her thumb stroking the skin there.  
  
“And do you know how I knew the other you loved me?” she whispered, a tear glistening at the corner of her eye. “Because  _you_  told me. Repeatedly, over and over.  _You_  held my hand,  _you_  brought me flowers,  _you_  wrote poetry for me, _you_  held me close at night and  _you_  asked me to hold you.  _You_  made love with me. That was  _you_ , Cara. Just as much as the other one was.”  
  
Tears were running down both of their faces now, unchecked.   
  
“But that’s…” Cara huffed in frustration. No matter how ridiculously romantic the other side of her appeared to have been, Kahlan needed to take cognisance of what existed alongside that. “Kahlan I  _hurt_  you. Look at you. You can barely stand.”  
  
“I confessed you.”  
  
That took Cara by surprise. Kahlan’s gaze was unwavering, but Cara could see the guilt in her eyes. She knew that she really should be saying something comforting right now, as Kahlan had been to her. But she found herself coming up blank. As she so often did, Kahlan took this as a sign that she should speak more.  
  
“I looked into your eyes, and I confessed you. And I’d promised you that I never would,” Kahlan’s voice was trembling. “Cara, I condemned you to an agonising  _death_. So if either of us should be punishing ourselves, it’s me.”  
  
Cara shook her head, she couldn’t have Kahlan feeling guilty for doing what was necessary to preserve her own life against an aggressor.  
  
“You defended yourself,” she argued. “I am glad that you did. It has always been a comfort to me to know that you have more than adequate defences to use against whoever you need to.”  
  
She kept her face neutral, even as Kahlan desperately searched her eyes for  _something_.   
  
“My defences can kill you,” she whispered, as if ashamed.  
  
“I know that. I’ve known that as long as I’ve known you,” Cara said. “This is not new information.”  
  
“Are you afraid of me?”  
  
Cara’s immediate instinct was to scoff at the notion that Mord’Sith were afraid of  _anything_. She felt like that might not be the right answer. She tilted her head and looked at Kahlan as she turned the question over in her head.  
  
“I am aware of the power you hold. The fact that you wield it so benevolently makes me admire and respect you. But I do not fear you.”  
  
Kahlan bit her lip, as if unsure whether to believe Cara or not. “Why not? The other Caras…they both mentioned it. They both seemed to think they had it hanging over them…like a threat,” Kahlan said, and Cara realised that she was voicing a fear of her own.  
  
The blonde dipped her head and picked up Kahlan’s hand in her own. She lifted it to press against her throat. Kahlan frowned and tried to pull away but Cara held on.  
  
“You had ample opportunity to confess me when we first met. You stood in judgement of me, for a crime I committed, a crime against your own sister, and you chose not to confess me.” Cara was still a little in awe of Kahlan for that. “I believe if you ever confess me, it will be because I deserve it.”  
  
“Cara, I won’t ev-“  
  
Cara placed a gentle finger over Kahlan’s lips. “Don’t promise that,” she whispered.  
  
Kahlan looked at her mutely, eyes filling with tears again. But she nodded slowly. Cara wondered if perhaps they both had a little work to do to accept parts of them that had the potential to destroy. And just to trust that neither of them would use them against the other except where absolutely necessary. Cara trusted Kahlan absolutely; but she didn’t trust herself. A finger running down her nose pulled her out of her reverie. She met Kahlan’s eyes and smiled softly, shifting her hand to wipe Kahlan’s tears. She decided to deal with the practicalities for the moment.  
  
“Your bath will get cold.”  
  
Kahlan sighed but nodded. “Can you help me?”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
Cara stood. Kahlan slowly began to unwrap the blanket that covered her body. The movement obviously caused her pain and Cara took over, gently pushing the cloth away from Kahlan’s skin, revealing more bruising and welts. She ignored the guilt that coursed through every sinew in her body, grasping one of her agiels for a second to centre herself. Then she bent down and helped Kahlan to stand. They made their way slowly to the tub, where Cara gently picked Kahlan up, cursing herself when she heard her hiss in pain and placed her into the water. Kahlan whimpered as the heat worked on her numerous wounds and she clung to Cara’s neck. Cara knelt down by the tub and waited for her to calm, rubbing her shoulder and whispering reassurances against her ear.   
  
After a time, Kahlan relinquished her hold. Cara moved back a little and saw fresh tears, of pain, on Kahlan’s face. She reached out, unthinking, to cup Kahlan’s cheek. And Kahlan flinched. It was only slight, but it was a definite flinch. Cara froze in place and Kahlan hurried to take her hand and bring it to her cheek, keeping it there with her own.  
  
“Cara, I’m sorry. I’m not afraid of you.”  
  
Her hand was still trapped under Kahlan’s or she would have removed it. The feel of Kahlan’s skin was fogging up her mind, making her unsure.  
  
“Why not? You should be.”  
  
Kahlan tilted her head to the side, still holding Cara’s hand against her cheek.   
  
“Are you planning to hurt me?”  
  
Cara held Kahlan’s eyes. “No.”  
  
“So why should I be afraid?” Kahlan asked, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
“Because you’ve  _seen_  me,” Cara whispered. “At my worst and at my weakest. You’ve  _seen_  what I am..what I can do.”  
  
Kahlan brought their joined hands down from her cheek to rest between them on the edge of the bathtub. She squeezed Cara’s fingers.   
  
“I saw you, yes, but I didn’t see anything I didn’t already know was in you,” Kahlan said, slowly, her eyes never wavering from Cara’s. “Maybe I got a little insight, but I knew the rest was in there. Both of those women are inside you Cara. They make you who you are. And I love the person you are.”  
  
Cara’s eyes dropped at this. “I don’t deser-“  
  
Kahlan’s hand gripped her chin, bringing her face back up abruptly. Her eyes looked like blue fire, Cara thought.  
  
“Listen to me,” she said, sounding strong; every inch the Mother Confessor. “I never gave up on us. Not once. Not when I was swinging from the ceiling with an agiel between my legs. Not when I put my hand around your throat and prayed to the Creator that I’d get you back. And I’m not going to give up on us now. All I ask is that you pay us the same courtesy.”  
  
The force behind Kahlan’s words and the look in her eyes almost startled Cara. Her chin was still in Kahlan’s hand and she could think of nothing to say so she leaned forward and pressed her lips against Kahlan’s. Kahlan’s hand slid up to Cara’s cheek. Neither of them pushed the kiss, they just let it be.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Cara murmured as she drew away, keeping her face close to Kahlan’s.  
  
“Why are you sorry?” Kahlan pushed.  
  
Cara laughed with no humour and Kahlan continued without waiting for an answer.  
  
“If you’re sorry for my injuries, then you must also be sorry for making me smile until my face hurt from it. And for laying in bed with me, not talking, just looking into my eyes. And fo-“  
  
“Why do you keep comparing the two?” Cara whispered, dangerously close to tears again. “They’re not the same.”  
  
“Yes, they are,” Kahlan insisted. “They were both you, and neither of them was you. Neither of them was whole. Neither of them was complete.”  
  
Kahlan was beginning to look desperate now.  
  
“Cara, I need all of you. I  _love_  all of you. I don’t know how else to say it to make you understand.”  
  
Cara wasn’t sure she’d ever understand. Not really. Kahlan’s love was still something of a mystery to her. Her own love for Kahlan wasn’t hard to understand. Kahlan was good and kind and caring and loyal. Everybody loved Kahlan. But what Kahlan saw in her that was worthy of love, especially now, was not clear.   
  
“I don’t understand,” she admitted. “But I believe you.”  
  
A smile broke out across Kahlan’s battered face. “That’s better than I’d hoped for to be honest.”  
  
Cara drew in a shaky breath. “You should get cleaned up…I have salve for your wounds.”  
  
Kahlan nodded. “Get in with me?” Her immediate reaction was to say no but Kahlan pre-empted her. “Please? I need your help.”  
  
Cara sighed and let her forehead fall forward to rest against Kahlan’s.  
  
“You don’t play fair, Kahlan.”  
  
She felt Kahlan nod against her. “I know.”  
  
She stood and divested herself of her leathers as quickly as she could. Kahlan sat forward and Cara climbed in behind her. She eased herself down in the tub, her legs sliding alongside Kahlan’s, their hips fitting snugly against each other. She was unsure what to do with her hands until Kahlan spoke.  
  
“I’m not going to break.”  
  
Cara slid her hands down Kahlan’s sides and around to her belly, careful of her injuries. Kahlan sank back against her and Cara wrapped her arms more fully around her as Kahlan’s head came to rest on her shoulder. They lay for long moments, soaking in the heat and comfort the water provided. Cara thought that Kahlan must have gone to sleep until her voice broke the silence.  
  
“Can you wash me?”  
  
She didn’t answer, just kissed Kahlan’s shoulder and reached for a washcloth. Slowly, methodically, she washed every inch of Kahlan’s skin that was in reach. She tried to be as gentle as she could, but there were times she felt Kahlan gasp or flinch. She acknowledged every hurt with a kiss. When the dirt and grime had been removed from Kahlan’s body, her injuries were starker, but she looked better. Using her hands to scoop up water, Cara started work on Kahlan’s hair, working up a lather with a bar of soap from her pack. She gently massaged Kahlan’s scalp, working through tangles and knots, rinsing and rinsing until the water ran clean.  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
“You don’t have to thank me,” Cara protested. “It’s the least I ca-“  
  
“Thank you,” Kahlan repeated, firmly, looking over her shoulder.  
  
Cara’s lips set in a thin line, but she nodded. Her eyes dropped to the pale skin of Kahlan’s back, now marred by dark bruises and burns. She reached out and ran her finger over a particularly fierce welt. Every single mark was there by her own hand. And yet, here was Kahlan, completely open and trusting and loving. And, just as she’d worn Cara down initially, somehow Cara found herself beginning to believe what Kahlan was saying.  
  
“The water’s cooling, we should get you out and apply the salve,” she said, unable to stop watching her finger’s progress across the network of marks on Kahlan’s back.  
  
“Yes,” the confessor agreed. “Then I want to sleep for a week. In your arms.”  
  
Cara smiled sadly. “As you wish.”  
  
\---  
  
Kahlan was lying on her front on a bed that Cara had covered with their own bedrolls while Cara applied healing salve to her back.  
  
“I love your touch,” she breathed out, revelling in the gentle attention.  
  
Cara curved her palm around Kahlan’s hip, squeezing gently and Kahlan reached down to cover it with her own.  
  
“What did you see?”  
  
Kahlan’s mind was hazy with pain and fatigue and it took her a moment to process the question.   
  
“You said you gained insight…what did you see?” Cara’s voice was a whisper and Kahlan could tell she had struggled with whether or not to ask this question.  
  
With difficulty, Kahlan turned over. She had become accustomed to the various pains and aches in her body, but every so often she’d aggravate one she hadn’t been aware of and the pain would seize her. She hated the expression that fleeted across Cara’s face every time it happened. Cara helped her to sit up and placed a simple, white sleeping shift over her head. Cara was wearing one too. She winced as the cloth hit her skin, but then sank back against the bed, looking up at Cara.  
  
This was delicate; she knew that Cara was not adept at dealing with her feelings at the best of times. So to have revealed them while not quite herself was would be a lot to cope with. Kahlan waited for a moment, considering whether it was wise to broach this subject. They were both tired, both hurting. But left alone, she knew that one thing in particular would niggle at her. She reached out and tugged on Cara’s wrist, waiting until she lay down beside her, stretching out on her side. She brought her hand to Cara’s face, brushing her knuckles along her jaw.  
  
“You’re enough for me, Cara,” she said. “You’re my equal in every sense. I don’t want or need you to be anything other than you.”  
  
She watched as Cara tried not to react, but the twitch of her eyelid gave her away. Kahlan had hit a nerve. Kahlan kept up the tender caress of Cara’s face, never removing her eyes from the other woman’s. She could say more, give more reassurances, but she wanted Cara to speak first. She knew that might be a futile hope. Just as she was about to give up and let them both sleep, Cara spoke.  
  
“You’re not meant for me.” Kahlan’s heart ached at the resignation in Cara’s voice, but she held herself back, waiting for her to continue. “We’re supposed to be enemies. Bards still tell stories about the epic love between you and the Seeker. People won’t write sonnets about a lowly Mord’Sith defiling the Mother Confessor.”  
  
And there it was, that crippling insecurity that Cara tried so hard to disguise with bravado.   
  
“Then we’ll write our own sonnets,” Kahlan told her. “Because our love may not be expected, or prophesied, but it’s  _real_.” She shifted so that her hand was resting over Cara’s heart.   
  
“I know, Kahlan,” Cara whispered, placing her own hand on Kahlan’s chest. “But…”  
  
Kahlan felt something inside of her tighten at Cara’s hesitation.  
  
“But what? I  _love_  you, Cara,” she whispered.   
  
Cara’s eyes dipped, her thumb rubbing back and forward over Kahlan’s chest. “As long as the Mother Confessor’s pure heart beats…the Keeper is doomed to fail.”  
  
Kahlan covered Cara’s hand with her own, pressing it harder against her flesh even though it hurt her to do so. “It’s beating. You can feel it.”   
  
After a long, silent wait, Cara’s eyes came up to meet her own. “But is it pure?”  
  
“Yes,” Kahlan said, leaving no room for doubt. “What is purer than love, Cara? It’s what a heart is for. The love I have for you is pure and it’s good.”  
  
“But I’m neither of those things,” Cara said. “What if loving me has…what if the Keeper wins because I got in the way of…”  
  
“Stop,” Kahlan warned. “What would you have me do? Go back to Richard? Live a life of pretence and artifice just  _in case_ you’ve somehow tainted my pure heart?”  
  
Cara looked like she might be about to say yes to the entirely rhetorical question, so Kahlan cut her off.  
  
“Guess what, Cara…if I went back to Richard, it wouldn’t stop me from feeling the way I feel about you. So if me loving you somehow invalidates Richard’s quest, then the quest is doomed already. And if I am to meet the Keeper then I will do so with my hand firmly holding yours, because there’s no going back.”  
  
The Mord’Sith looked somewhat abashed at Kahlan’s impassioned speech. Her thumb continued to rub tiny circles into the skin of Kahlan’s chest and Kahlan knew that she was trying to find the words to reply.   
  
“Well, if our love brings about the end of the world, I would imagine it would qualify as epic enough to have songs written about it.” The corner of her mouth turned up slightly. “If there were any bards left to write them.”  
  
Kahlan smiled at Cara’s attempt at humour, but she shook her head.  
  
“Cara…” she began, eliciting an eyeroll and a sigh.  
  
“Fine.” Cara lifted their joined hands from Kahlan’s chest and brought them to her lips, kissing Kahlan’s knuckles. “We will work on the assumption that your heart is still pure, despite its apparent fondness for bad girls. And we will continue on our quest to save the world. And if we should fail, I will gladly spend eternity holding your hand. Because loving you is the purest and best thing I have ever done.”  
  
She linked her fingers through Kahlan’s and squeezed gently to emphasise her words. Kahlan’s smile was bright and her eyes shone with unshed tears. She decided to take a lesson from Cara and keep the mood light.  
  
“And to think it took me weeks to persuade you to hold my hand…and here you are swearing to do so for all eternity.”   
  
“Looks like you finally got under my skin, Confessor,” Cara whispered.   
  
It was a testament to how tired they were that neither of them moved to initiate an embrace. The fact that they were holding hands, and looking into each other’s eyes, was enough for the moment. The touching scene was broken when Kahlan yawned, a great, gaping yawn. She used her free hand to cover her mouth, her eyes going wide.  
  
“I’m sorry, I…”  
  
Cara just smiled and shook her head. “Sleep. I’ll be here.”  
  
Kahlan’s eyelids grew heavier, just from hearing the word spoken aloud. She allowed them to droop closed for a moment.   
  
“You’re too far away,” she muttered, eyes fluttering open. “I told you I wanted to sleep in your arms.”  
  
“I…I don’t want to hurt you,” Cara admitted.  
  
“You won’t,” Kahlan insisted. “Please?”  
  
Cara’s brow creased in mock annoyance. “Somewhere along the line I appear to have become powerless to refuse your requests.” She was already moving, carefully climbing over Kahlan so that she was positioned behind her. “This must be what it feels like to be confessed.”  
  
Tenderly, Cara’s arms came about her, sliding underneath her rib cage and encircling her torso. The salve had dulled the pain in her body and she shivered as she was drawn back against Cara, feeling completely safe and at home for the first time in days. She sighed in contentment.  
  
“No, Cara,” she corrected. “This is what it feels like to be in love.”  
  
A kiss was pressed against the back of her head and she thought she heard Cara mumble something about there being no difference. It echoed what her emotional half had expressed while trying to persuade Kahlan to confess her. Idly, Kahlan wondered where the line was between true love and confession.   
  
Unbidden, another thought lodged itself in her consciousness and her eyes flew open. This one she really should keep to herself. She lay still, trying to will away the concerns. Obviously Cara picked up on the tension that had crept back into her body.  
  
“Kahlan, go to sleep.”  
  
She bit her lip. She knew she wouldn’t get to sleep if she didn’t ask.  
  
“Cara?”  
  
A sigh came from near her ear.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Am I…enough for you?”  
  
She felt Cara’s arms tighten around her, ever so slightly. “You’re more than enough for me. And far more than I deserve. Now sleep.”  
  
She smiled, but that wasn’t what she meant.  
  
“Yes, but…I mean…when we’re…intimate. Do I…satisfy you?”  
  
Cara shifted, pushing herself up so that she could see Kahlan’s face. Kahlan was heartened to see genuine confusion in Cara’s eyes. But she needed to hear the words.  
  
“Kahlan, why would you even as-“ The confusion dissolved, replaced by a sad understanding. “She told you that you didn’t.”  
  
Kahlan noted the change in the pronoun that Cara was using to describe her Mord’Sith half with satisfaction, but she nodded.  
  
“She said that she had…appetites that I couldn’t…” She felt slightly foolish bringing this up. “And that she’d had to go to Richard for…”  
  
“Richard?” Cara almost barked the name, her eyes wide in something like panic. “She was lying. Tell me she was lying.”  
  
“I’d hoped she was…but no, I could tell from Richard that it was the truth,” Kahlan said, not wanting to hurt Cara, but feeling that they both deserved full disclosure.  
  
Cara dropped down onto her back, the arm that wasn’t trapped under Kahlan thrown over her eyes. Kahlan turned over, slowly, and snuggled into Cara’s side, placing her head on her shoulder, a hand gently rubbing her abdomen through the thin shift.  
  
“It wasn’t you,” Kahlan assured her. “I know that you don’t… think of him that way.”  
  
It wasn’t a question, but Cara answered it anyway.  
  
“For the first time in my life I don’t think of  _anyone_  in that way except you.” She lifted her arm off her face and turned so that she was looking at Kahlan. “And you satisfy all of my…‘appetites’.”  
  
Kahlan breathed out, relieved. She pressed a kiss to Cara’s chest, through her shift.  
  
“Good. Although I may have to threaten Richard a little for daring to touch my woman,” Kahlan could feel sleep tug at her again and she smothered a yawn, her eyes drifting closed, wondering if she’d be chastised for using any kind of possessive pronoun to refer to Cara.  
  
“Yes. Any ire you have should be focused on Richard. He was of sound mind and should have stopped it,” Cara agreed and Kahlan smiled.  
  
“Perhaps I’m being too hard on him,” she mumbled. “You  _are_  quite irresistible.“  
  
“You’re going to tease me about this forever, aren’t you?” Cara grumbled.  
  
Kahlan laughed softly and shook her head. “No. Strangely enough, I have no desire to picture you and Richard…doing that, if I can at all help it.”  
  
“Good. Neither do I,” Cara agreed. “We should never speak of it again.”  
  
“Besides,” Kahlan continued, flattening her hand against Cara’s stomach. “If I wanted to tease you, I have a wealth of topics I could choose from now, having spent time with your softer side.”  
  
Cara sighed. “I can only imagine,” she said, affection rather than aggravation colouring her voice.   
  
“I missed you. I don’t even think I realised how much until I got you back,” Kahlan murmured. “Don’t ever let something like this happen again.”  
  
“I’ll try not to.” Cara said, amused. “And, to make it up to you, perhaps one day soon I’ll take you to these famous falls of yours. We’ll leave the wizard and the Seeker behind. I’m sure we can find them a puppy to rescue.”  
  
“That’d be nice,” Kahlan murmured.  
  
“But for now, you need to sleep,” Cara’s voice was soft and soothing. “I’ll be here with you.”  
  
“Promise?” Kahlan was on the very edge of sleep.  
  
Lips brushed against her forehead. “For as long as you’ll have me.”   
  
Kahlan’s lips formed a smile as she let sleep take her, finally. “Always.”


End file.
